De Oppresso Liber
by kr3ativ23
Summary: A near death experience makes Jack remember unpleasant memories of his past. Origin Story for Jack and Diane.
1. Tutorial

De Oppresso Liber

A near death experience makes Jack remember unpleasant memories from his past. Origin Story for Jack and Diane.

 **Tutorial**

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 _I am an American Special Forces Soldier! A professional!_

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The sounds of my ears ringing was deafening. It was like as if someone put old rotary phones in my head and called them all at once. My vision is beyond blurry, and the sudden darkness does not help. I stare at what I believe is the remains of a poorly lit exit sign as it flashes. I try to look around and take in my surroundings but the moment I move my head I feel dizzy, and uneasy. I can not tell if the floor below is stable. I feel like I'm rocking back and forth then side to side. I try to push the rock off my chest and the pain paralyzes me. Even though I can not hear I'm sure I screamed. I try and feel the urge to cough unsuccessfully. The pain makes me more dizzy. I am unable to move my legs I think they're also buried by rocks. As I feel start cough I taste my own blood. I hope that I've only bit my tongue and li and this blood is not coming from somewhere deeper. Ignorance is bliss... and short lived. I cough up more blood and the metallic taste stains my tongue and makes me nauseous.

I lift my head and try to do my own blood sweep. Check my own injuries. My hands are bloody but I'm cannot see where it's coming. My head falls back I'm too weak to hold it up.

"Oh my god, Jack..." I see Mac he does not look good. I can see the fear in his eyes. I try to speak but I cough up more blood.

Oh man... this is bad. Everything gets dark and I feel alone. I try to relax and accept death as I have before. I hope Mac and Riley are okay and don't do anything crazy trying to get me. I'm a goner. I hope they get to safety.

"You gonna stay down there forever, JJ?" My eyes shoot open at the familiar voice. No one has called me that in at least twenty years.

"Dad?" I see my dad standing above me. I quickly look around again. Surveying my new surroundings. "What the... what's going on?" I say using his help to stand. "Am I dead?" I ask sill looking around. I'm in a park. The grass is the greenest I've ever seen. The sky was the perfect blue with just a few clouds. My father wanders over to the only bench I can see.

"You're pretty damn close. Only time will tell. Come sit," he says opening up a newspaper.

"Sit? Where the hell are we?" I ask. I cannot help but panic. No matter how far I run or walk away the moment I turn around it's like I have not moved at all. My father is just casually reading a newspaper on the bench. It's a daunting image reminding me of my childhood.

I remember eating cereal with my sister as we got ready for school. My father would sit next to us reading the newspaper telling us what's wrong with the world. How it's ever changing would make us weak and a target.

"Quit thinking and come sit," he said putting the paper in his lap.

"Wha..." I stutter. My brain still is unable to process what's going on. I can feel a breeze. I can take a deep breath and there's no pain. There's no blood in my mouth. I do another blood sweep and there's no blood. I lift my shirt and there's no cuts, no bruises, no broken bruises... even the scars I've earned over the years are gone. I put my shirt back down and notice it's clean. The chili stain from a well deserved gas station chili dog gone. Mystery grease stains gone.

"Man, you are hard headed as ever, boy. Come sit." My father says grabbing my arm. Normally I would've pulled away but I can feel my him touching me. My fathers been dead for ten years. I reach out hugging my dad. "You gotta sit."

"Huh? Okay..." I say shaking my head fighting my tears. I can take my eyes over my dad. He's younger than I remember. He was very sick when he died, but he looks great now.

As I sit down on the bench our surrounding change again. My father seems totally oblivious as he begins reading his newspaper.

It went from a beautiful sunny day to a chilly rainy night. The poorly lit street lights flickered and the full moon gave us enough light to see.

"Where are we?" I ask wincing from the rain hitting me in my face. I can't tell if it looks familiar or if I've thought about it so hard... I'm confused. "What about Mac and Riley? Are they okay?" I ask my father who smiles. He continues to read the paper that remains dry like my dad.

Before he answers a car drives past us. The muffler made my ears ring again. I wince but feel no pain. The car was loud and dingy. The car pulls up to the only house I can see. The is rusty and barely a bumper. I approach the vehicle. It looks familiar. The front panel is a different color than the rest of the car.

"Come here, baby." I hear a soft voice say. A child begins to groan, probably asleep.

"Diane!" I shout. Her curly hair almost acting as a soft pillow for little Riley.

"She can't hear you." My father finally speaks. I see Diane's mother and father run out to greet her. Her father, Al, takes little Riley inside. Diane's mother Dorothy just holds Diane as she cries.

"What is going on?!" I yell to my dad. "One second in dying and now what? We are time traveling? What year is it?" I ask, and my dad throws his newspaper to me.

"Don't yell at me, JJ."

"1994?" I ask studying the newspaper. "Diane?!" I chase after her as she runs inside to escape the rain. Once inside I run right into my father. "Wha..."

"She can't hear you."

"Let me see." Dorothy says inspecting Diane's bruises. Seeing the bruises make my stomach turn and blood boil.

"They look worse then they appear." I can see her hands shaking. Dorothy wipes Diane's tears away.

"You did the right thing. He's no good. You and Riley can stay as long as you want."

"I know... I know... I'm going to get to it together. Get my life together. Tomorrow I'll go into town, and I'll get a job." She says standing. She has always been a force to be reckoned with. "I'll save up get us a house with a big yard for Riley. I'm going to focus on just her and I." Diane cries as her voice begins to fail her. Tears begin streaming down her cheeks. "What if he finds us? What if..." she breaks down crying into her mother's arm.

"What is going on?!" I say I can feel myself getting angrier and angrier. As I turn around to face my father our surrounding have changed yet again.

"Relax."

"Where are we now?" I ask in a loud panic. Louder than I had wanted.

"Dalton? You alright?" My head snaps in another direction hearing yet another voice.

"Major Bradley?" I whisper.

"He's not a major yet." My dad answers.

"I'm alright. Just tired, sir." I watch myself as a younger version of me walks off the giant military plane.

Damn! I look so young. No wrinkles. A good ol' high tight hair cut. My uniform is a little dirty, but man oh man. I'm a looker.

"Everyone who was apart of the fire fight is getting checked out by medical." Bradley ordered.

"Yes sir," young Jack replied.

Major Bradley was my first delta team leader. The man was a war hero and a super human soldier. I have not seen him in years. To see him upright and talking gave me goosebumps. I watch young Jack carry the rutsack that I remember weighing more than me. Carrying the M60 nicknamed the noisemaker in my other hand as I hobbled to medical.

"Come sit," my father says putting his hand on my back.

"This has to be some kind of hallucination, right? I... I uh, I had to have hit my head. This is all some kind of concussion dream, right? This isn't real?"

"It's as real as you and I."

"You're dead! You... you've been dead, dad." That's it! I feel like I'm in the twilight zone.

"JJ, you're having a near death experience. These are your memories."

"But... Diane?" I stutter again.

"You've talked about how she left her husband and came home. That's just how you imagined it."

"This is my life flashing before my eyes?" I chuckle trying to reel my emotions back.

"Kinda." He shrugs.

"Why start here?"

"Ah... 1994, North Carolina? That's a good question. A question I should ask you." He says with a smug look.

"Ask me? You brought me here."

"Did I?"

"Stop! No Jedi mind shit." I argue and my dad laughs before his voice turn serious.

"You better watch your mouth, boy. I know you think your grown, and I know your scared. I'm here to help you." He scolds me like when I was a boy.

"1994... I was stationed in Bragg and North Carolina. I must've just come back from Somalia. I met Diane here." I say looking down trying not to meet his harsh gaze.

"Oh man... this gonna take a while."

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What do you think? Please review! How long were Jack and Diane together for?


	2. Debriefing

De Oppresso Liber

A near death experience makes Jack remember unpleasant memories from his past. Origin Story for Jack and Diane.

A/N: Thanks for reading the first chapter I understand it may have been a little chaotic that's kind of what I was going for. Because it is first person POV I am trying to stay true to Jack and the uncertain circumstances that surround him. He's confused, so as the chapters progress it should get easier. I hope this is easier to read. In this story Jack and Diane will be together for twelve years because that's how long I initially thought they were together not that it'll change anything. I know Jack was in the CIA when he was with Diane but I fee like I would be doing him an injustice if I did not portray him as the soldier his character still is. Anyway, I hope this clears some stuff up. I will be updating Mistaken Identity soon as well. Stay tuned.

 **Debriefing**

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 _I will do all that my nation requires of me._

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The sky is so clear and beautiful it literally takes my breath away. I run my fingers through the grass. My brain still can not wrap around what's going on. I can feel the grass between my fingers. I can feel the gentle breeze across my face. I can smell the freshly cut grass and it reminds me of home.

Wherever I am... it's peaceful. It almost makes me forget that I'm dead. Or almost dead. Or maybe this is all part of a concussive nightmare. Who knows. I wanted to ask my father more questions about all of this. The time traveling and this peaceful. I need answers I've never been so confused.

"Ready, JJ?" I jump. I turn my head and look up at my father. I look around and see that I'm not sitting in the middle of a dingy diner floor. I use a nearby stool to pull myself on my feet.

"Where are we?" I ask as I recognize the uniform.

"Enough questions. This is going to take forever. These are your memories. You know damn well where we are." He argued as I watched a busy Diane walk by holding an empty pot of coffee in one hand and a full pot in another.

"This is Pop's Diner. Just outside of Bragg. This is where I met Diane." I said following my father to a booth. Diane's beautiful curly hair causing trouble for her uniform hat.

"Quit staring." He argued, I immediately look away and then ignored him to look back at her.

"She can't see me. I remember this day... Diane's sister, Helen, got her a job here." I explain just as a bunch of younger soldiers began to get rowdy. "A lot of these guys are fresh off a training or deployment. Pop's was 24/7 and the waitresses were always pretty... I think this is the first time those idiots saw a female in a long time."

Diane walks past us again. She looks stressed, and tired. Diane tops off there coffee once more and as she walks away a daring young private swats her behind. My blood instantly boils in rage. Diane stops walking. I can see her debating whether or not to smash the coffee pot over the kid's head. She takes a deep breath and just walks away. She's a better person than me.

"Someone switch tables with me, please." She begs as she passes her other orders to the cook.

"No way. I had the last ones." Helen said shaking her head.

"Cindy?" Diane begged.

"Sorry, kid. I have no patience today. I'm handling the counter top." The older woman, Cindy, explained as she wiped the counter top.

I hear the bells on the door and see Bradley, Paul Foley, and myself enter the diner. Our team consisted of four. Team leader John Bradley, Paul was our sniper, and I was the noise maker. I carried heavy arms and was a guns blazing guy for what the ops went bad. Then there was our medic Doc Jones.

"Who's that?" My father asks.

"That's Paul. Best sniper I've ever had the pleasure of working with. A real guardian angel." I explain as I feel goosebumps spread across my body. It's incredibly weird and almost sad to see everyone up right. To see what warriors these men were really made my mind flood with unpleasant memories.

"Cindy, darling, can we get three coffees, please?" Bradley asked with a smile. Bradley sits at the counter top and Paul and I sit on either side of him. I was the baby pup of the wolf pack. Cindy was the beloved waitress that you could find at pops. The other waitresses usually came and left, but you could always expect to find Cindy sitting at the end of the counter reading the paper.

Oh god... am I staring?! My young eyes are glued to Diane. Tracing her curves as she continues run around. I've always been a sucker for her curves, and curly hair.

The young rowdy group of soldiers captured our attention too. I look at my team leader almost for instruction and direction.

"Cindy, these guys bothering you?" Bradley asked. Cindy reminded silent but rolled her eyes so hard they could've gotten stuck. "JD, tell them to quiet down. Get them to quiet down." Bradley instructed as he nonchalantly took a sip from his coffee.

I have always been a bit of an attack dog. I love a good fight. I'm not a violent person... anymore. But I love a good fight. Always have. Always will. I wonder if you can into bar fights in heaven? I hope so.

"You boys with 20th engineer brigade?" I ask recognizing their unit patch. As I pull on the young man's sleeve immediately grabbing everyone's attention.

"Yes, sergeant." They quickly toned their rowdiness down.

"I thought engineers were suppose to be smart?" I say changing my tone. The men remain silent. I smile as I lean over their table. I found it to be more effective to whisper death threats over the years. It forces the other person to really listen. "C'mon, don't get quiet now. Speak up."

"Roger, sarge." The man said still quiet.

"Get it together and act right. Don't make me come back over here." I say with a charming smile.

As I turn to go back to my stool I smash right into Diane. The hot coffee splashing us before as the coffee pot falls on the round. I instinctually reach out for her so she does not fall. I grab her arm harder then I anticipated. She quickly regains her bearing and immediately swats my arm way. She looks down at her ruined uniform and then at me with glassy eyes. She storms off to the bathroom.

"I'm sorry." I call out but she ignores me.

I return to my seat and I can feel my teammates staring at me. The young soldiers who were once rowdy quickly leave as the mood in the diner changes.

"God damn, Dalton. We can't bring you nowhere. You're like a damn bull in a China shop." Bradley laughed eating his toast. I begin eating ignoring him. I eagerly wait for Diane to return. I want to apologize and reintroduce myself. But she doesn't.

"You know for someone who claims to be a self proclaimed lover boy you're not very smooth." Foley added as I break my stare. I pretend to laugh.

"Excuse me, Miss Cindy. Do you have a pen?" I ask smiling. Cindy hands me a ten as I pull a twenty out of my wallet. Which was a decent amount of money in 1994 might I add. Especially for a five dollar breakfast. I begin to write on the old twenty.

"You know that's a federal offense right?" Bradly said as he placed his tip.

"Arrest me." I reply.

"It wouldn't be the first time." He said quietly. To this I genuinely laugh because he's absolutely right. My hands often got me in trouble... or my mouth.

"I didn't know they taught you heavy weapons guys knew how to read and write." Foley teased.

"They don't... your wife taught me." I said winking at him. "Missy Cindy, can you pass this to the..."

"Diane?" Cindy said, and I just nod. I leave the bill by the plate. The bill says I'M SORRY in big letters.

"I thought you were the sniper?" I hear my father's voice echo in my head. I look around and find myself back in the booth sitting across from me. I feel incredibly rundown and winded... like I wrestled a porcupine, and bare knuckle boxed a bear.

"What... the..." I say trying to catch my bearing as I watch my younger self leave.

"I thought it'd be easier to get you more immersed in your memories."

"Oh my god... that felt so real."

"Because it is." He says but I can barely hear him as I try to regain my composure.

"I wasn't... initially..." I say catching my breath.

"What?"

"I wasn't a sniper... when I first became a delta operator. I joined as the heavy weapons specialist. I went to sniper school that summer." I explain catching my bearing.

I watch as Diane finally emerges from the bathroom. Her uniform still stained with the coffee that splashed us both.

"I feel like I'm spying on her." I say quietly.

"Are you alright, Di?" Helen asks cleaning up our plates.

"I'm fine." She said annoyed.

"The boys at the counter top left you a tip." Cindy said sitting down to read the paper. Diane grabbed the twenty I left for her. She smiles for all of one second before putting it in her pocket.

"You know what you need?" Helen says smiling trying to cheer up Diane.

"What?"

"A night out. You've been working your tail off ever since you got back. You need a release!" Helen cried as she bused the tables in the bow emptied restaurants.

"I don't see how going out and wasting money is going to make me fee better." Diane says as she counted her tips.

"I'm not talking that kind of release." Helen adds wiggling her eyebrows. Diane blushes, and I smile. "Besides, you're gorgeous guys will buy you drinks. This town is crawling with future boyfriends, husbands... and one night stands." Helen teased hoping to further embarrass her sister.

"I don't know." Diane answers modestly.

"Oh, come on! We haven't spend anytime together and if you don't take some time to unwind... you'll explode." Helen said always dramatic.

"Fine!" Diane said playfully defeated. "Oh my god. What time is it?! I gotta get Riley off the bus."

"Go, go, I got this." Helen said waving her sister off.

I watch as Diane races off. I turn to look back at my father as he sits across from me. As I reminisce I try to still wrap my brain around what's going on.

"So, what is this a dream?" I ask resting my hands on the table.

"Lucid dreaming? That means you're in control. You're an observer here."

"So, we are going to go through twenty years of memories?"

"No just big moments that you still remember. That hold on too. Memories you cherish. Memories you've tried to abandon." My father says with a stoic expression on his face. I cover my face rubbing my eyes so he does not see my tears but when I open them I see our venue has changed yet again.

"Can I at least get a warning when you decide to change places?" I ask feeling my stomach turn. "Your gonna make me sick."

"Cry about it." He chuckled. I roll my eyes as I scan our new surroundings.

"The old barn?" I say under my breath. The barn was the original war room. This is where all the delta and special forces groups came for briefings and debriefings. It was underground and the big dumb security door had a classic looking barn door.

"Alright, alright, alright. Shut up!" Bradley shouted. The special forces is different than the regular army. Mannerisms, and the typical drill and ceremony was nonexistent in the group... unless we were geared up. "Geez, you bunch of hooligans. Now I know most of you have already been off base but you know I have to give you the speech before you take your two week leave." Bradley said reading off a check list.

"Speech! Speech!" We all chanted trying to be as annoying as possible before we were set free.

"Shut up! Shut up!" Bradley said waving us off once more. "Ah! Here we go. Those with the company... you must check in, in two days. Friday at 0900. While on leave you are to respect your town and country. No bar fights, and no challenging the police to fights. You will not beat your wife, or family. You will not drink and drive. You will keep your hands to yourself. You will keep your pager charged at all times." Bradley said as a bunch of groans came from the group.

"Lookie here, gentleman." Foley said standing. "This here is your government issue pager. Battery life is like five days or some shit. New technology the brass wants us using. Brass is the only one with the number and when they need us they'll send us a number. That's all. You go to the nearest phone call said number and you will get your orders. Number is only good for thirty minutes. If you miss your first page, we will get alerted. If you miss the second page we are sending Longhorn after you." Foley said and I can feel the eyes of my fellow soldiers stare at me. My attack dog reputation is well known throughout the group. "Pick one of these gizmos up from supply before you leave."

"Any questions? Dismissed." Bradley said smiling. The group quickly scurried racing to supply to get the pagers. The idea now that pagers were high technology makes me want to laugh.

I hear beeping and I feel an immense pressure in my head. I crumble to my knees. I reach out for where my father was standing. I hear buzzing and chaos around me. I open my eyes and I'm blinded by the brightest light. My head feels like it's going to explode. With every movement my bones feel like they're crumbling into dust. My body is riddled with pain.

"Jack!"

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Please Review! What do you think? I know this chapter was long but trust me it wouldn't make sense if I chopped it up.


	3. Phone Home

**Phone Home**

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 _I am a volunteer knowing, well the hazards of my profession._

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"You alright?" I hear my father ask. I try an lift my head feeling utterly exhausted and weak. All I can hear is Mac's panicked voice calling my name as it echoes in my head.

"What the hell was that?" I ask finally grasping my bearing.

"If you try to go through your window before you're ready. You will feel the pain that you're in. All this is too protect you." He says extending his hand. I take it.

"What about Mac and Riley?" I ask following down some street. We were not in the peaceful park anymore, but rather a dingy street. The street lights guided our path as well as the full moon. I am unsure if my father did not hear me or is just blatantly ignoring me. Before I can ask him again I follow him into Slappy's. "Holy shit, I haven't been here in years." I look around and my eyes immediately find Diane. She looked stressed. Guilty almost. She wore high waisted acid wash jeans and a pink spaghetti strap tank top with just a hint of her mid drift showing. The nineties were a crazy time but she still looked gorgeous.

I know she was regretting coming out. Any drink she buys herself she feels like she's stealing from Riley. Diane is one of the most frugal people I've ever met. Never buy anything full price. Avid coupon champion. My reckless with money and her frugalness often caused fights.

"Helen, I'm going leave." Diane said grabbing her clutch... Purse thing.

"You just got here." Helen said walking away from the young man she was with.

"This isn't me. I should really go home."

"Stop. You've earned this. Mom's watching Riley. They're having a great time, I bet. You should too!" Helen begged. Helen walked Diane back to the bar. Diane and I once again bumped into each other.

"Excuse me," I say realizing that it was probably my own obliviousness that led to the collision again, but once I recognize her bouncy beautiful curly hair. "Oh, it's you... Diane?" I ask, I knew she recognized me. "I'm Jack. The idiot soldier that split coffee on you at Pops." I say smiling.

"Nice to meet you." She says reluctantly shaking my hand.

"Can I buy you a drink to apologize?" I ask when she does not answer right away I fear I will strike out. "Come on, I feel real bad about it. Honest."

"Real smooth." I hear my father say. My father and I sit at a nearby booth watch as my younger self and Diane start making small talk.

"Don't sweat the technique, baby."

"I don't remember her. What about the other one?"

"Sarah?"

"Yeah, she was a little cutie."

"She didn't like me, dad. She got married to some shmuck." I say holding my head down.

"Jack, I don't mean to be rude but I was actually about to head out." Diane says lightly touching my arm. I feel her soft hands against my own.

"No worries. Can I walk you to your car?" I ask. Our small talk was so easy and I did not want her to leave without at least getting her number.

"I don't live too far away. I was going to walk." She replies sheepishly.

"It's late. I'd offer you a ride but I didn't drive. Can I walk you home?" I ask but immediately sensed her apprehension. "Come on, I'm one of uncle Sam's finest." I say smiling hoping to ease her nerves.

"Okay. Let me tell my sister." She says trying to hide her smile. I turn and finish my beer. I eagerly followed her. Once we started to walk away from the bar it got awkward.

"How long have you worked at Pops' diner?" I ask putting my hands in my pockets.

"About two months... I think."

"Ah! I thought you were new. Pops' is like the unofficial official off base diner. I didn't remember seeing you before I left."

"Left?"

"My unit... We just got back from deployment." I say trying to calculate what I am going to tell her about my MOS and my military experience.

"Where'd you go?"

"We just came back from Somalia."

"Oh my gosh! I saw that in the news. You were there?!" Diane asks surprised.

"Yeah."

"What's your MOS?" She asked and I felt my heart skip a beat. "My father was a corpsman in Vietman. I was a navy brat growing up."

"12 Bravo. I am a combat engineer. I'm really just a glorified mechanic." I chuckle.

"How long have you been in?"

"Ten years. I was active duty for the first eight, and I've spent the last two reserve." I continue to smile.

"Wow,"

"Oh yeah, Staff Sergeant Dalton, reporting as ordered." I say cheesy. Giving her a mock salute. "What about you? What brings you here?"

"I just got out of a nasty relationship. I'm looking to start over."

"I get it." I reply unable to think of anything else. I can not help but smile at the news that she's single that I ignore everything else.

"This is me." she said awkwardly. She shrugged and it got weird. I did not know what to do. I wanted to kiss her. Hug her. Ask her out. Ask her for her number. Too many thoughts at once rendered me speechless. My speechlessness confused me even more because it never happened to me. I was captivated by her. She awkwardly began to walkout away.

"Wait, wait..." I chase after her gently grab her hand. "I want to see you again... Erm, without being to forward. Uh... Can I get your number, or something..." I panic trying not to sound so desperate and vulnerable, but I fail. I can not help but notice her smiling. She begins digging in her purse. She pulled out a pen and began writing her number on my forearm.

"I don't know what good it'll do you. I'm at the diner more than I am here." She says apologetic. "I'll see you at Pops' diner?"

"Yes ma'am." I say with a giant smile.

"That was kind of sweet." My father says I turn to look at him and find myself back in the peaceful park. I look around panicked. "Oh, I forgot to warn you. Sorry." He says nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders.

I begin to feel the tingling sensation go across my body. I feel weak like I'm suffocating under my own weight. My hands immediately go to my chest as if protecting it from the unknown. Soon I am unable to hold up my own head as it falls to the side. I'm cross eyed struggling to hold my eye lids open. Then the pain hit me. My insides felt like they were being ripped apart like the movie Alien. I feel like I'm drowning struggling for every breath. I hear beeping again, and the same chaotic yelling as earlier. I hear a winding noise.

"Dad..." I mumble too weak and tired to be panicked, but I am.

"It'll be over in a minute." He whispers not as caring as he probably intended too. I immediately begin to panic. What is going to end? What will be over in a minute? Is this how I die? In some weird hallucination? Being haunted my own regrets? Second guessing my own decision? I do not want to die! I...

I feel a sudden jolt, pressure, shot... Like a baseball strike to my chest. The pain is gone but my nerves feel like I'm on fire! I jump up to my feet. Struggling to catch my breath. When I open my eyes... I see myself laying on a hospital bed as nurses and doctors work frantically trying to save me. Blood looks to be coming from everywhere. I have enough tubes, wires, and IVs to where it looks like they're turning me into a robot.

"Alright, he's back." A man I'm assuming is my doctor shouts out. I see his combat boots and realize that I must be at a military hospital. This must be bad.

"If he codes again, we are going to lose him. He needs to be in the OR now." An older woman ordered. She is covered in my blood as she's wrist deep in my chest. "There he goes..." She says as I watch the beeping stop as I flat line. I feel the tingling sensation return. "I'm going to start cardiac massage. Let's move!" She ordered as she hopped up onto the hospital bed with me.

I try to follow but I continue to be riddled with pain. I see Riley trying to chase after us. She dirty and bloody too. Bozer tries to comfort her but she looks numb. What the hell happened? Where am I? Where's Mac?

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Please Review! What do you think? Real time is going to seem very jumpy and slow. I'm trying to give it the effect of a year in a dream in only a minute in real life vibe. I hope you're enjoying. For those that are reading Mistaken Identity I was entirely happy on how I wrote the chapter so I am rewriting. I will update!


	4. Battle Buddy

**Battle Buddy**

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 _Roger's Rangers, Francis Marion, Mosbey's Rangers, the first Special Service force, and ranger battalions of World War II, the airborne ranger companies of Korea._

* * *

I had been coming to the diner everyday for breakfast after my morning jog. Everyday I tried to convince her to let me take her out on a date. She played hard to get like a champion but I was determined. She was so beautiful, and so focused.

"Hello Jack," she says as she zooms by giving coffee to other customers.

"Hello Miss Diane," I say with a smile as I take my usual seat at the counter.

"Special?" She asked pouring me a cup of coffee.

"What do I gotta do for you to come out on a date with me?" I ask smiling at her.

"Its pancakes today." She said smiling.

"Yes, darling." I say smiling back at her. "It can be a friendly date or something serious. Whatever you want."

"I'm not looking for a relationship."

"You said you wanted a fresh start. I can be that for you. I'm a good guy. I got a good job. I have my own car and apartment. I can be your fresh start." I explain but she smiles shaking her head. "Cmon, don't make me beg."

"Fine. Okay. We can go out." She said looking at me putting her hands on her hips. I have the cheesiest smile on my face.

"Really?" I say surprised. She smiles and nods.

"Yes."

"I'll pick you up later. Erm... I'll call you." I say nervously and she smiles and nods.

"Jesus, son, who taught you how to talk to women?" My father says I turn my head to give him some smart ass reply but I see we are back in the peaceful park and I hold my tongue.

"If I'm going to die... if I'm going to die why the torture?" I ask stuttering on my own emotions.

"Torture?"

"Diane was the best thing to ever happen to me. She was too good and I ruined it. I don't know what is to gain if I relive the best memories of I'm reminded that I screwed it all up?!" I say as I explode from the bench.

"You don't gotta be such a sour puss about it." He chuckles as he opens his paper. I feel the blood boil as I snatch the paper out of his hands.

"Why are we doing this?! If I'm going die let me die."

"What makes you think you have a say in any of this with that hard head?!" He says poking me in the chest. "If you chose to see this as negative it won't work."

"What won't work?!" I yell.

Before he can answer I find myself walking up to Diane's door. My heart is pounding in my chest. My palms are sweating and I have pterodactyls flying around in my stomachs. I smooth out my shirt for the hundredth time. A simple black collared shirt with dark jeans. I did not own many civilian clothes. I spruce the flowers up a little as I close the distance. I use my shaky hand to knock on the door, and she quickly answers the door shutting it behind her. She wore a little black dress hat could not have fit her better. Her beautiful curls barely held back with some type hair thing.

"Oh, I uh, I got you these. You look very nice." I stutter.

"Thank you. They are beautiful." She smiles and I do not feel as nervous as I once did.

I open the door and try to remember all the gentleman things I've ever been taught.

I spend my days with burly disgusting men. Do not get me wrong I love the men I serve with but there's no gentleman stuff that happens. When we are not getting combat ready we burp, fart, sometimes on eachother, we try to punch each other in nuts all day, and describe our perfect shot. None of which I would... should do with Diane tonight.

I do not remember the restaurant that we went to, but it came highly recommended by Bradley. Little did I know that it was as fancy as it was. The waiters were dressed nicer than me. There was more candles than I have ever seen. There was some old guy playing the piano. I pull out her chair for her before I sit.

"I thought you were going to make me beg." I say quietly as a open my menu. I can hear her laugh.

A waiter brought over a basket of bread and gave us some water in glasses. I continue to read the menu trying to figure out what to order. I do not know if it's nerves or my uncultured hillbilly ass but I do not recognize a damn thing. Where's a steak and potatoes when you need them?

"Where are you gonna get?" I ask but I hear nothing. I put my menu down look at Diane. She is scanning the room and her hands are balled into fists. I've seen this before never in the civilian sector. She's physically there but mentally fighting her own battle. "Diane?" I say waving my hand and nothing. I lightly touch her hand and she pulls it away jumping back into her body as if I startled her. "Are you alright?"

"I gotta go... I'll be back..." she said walking away almost frantically dropping her clutch.

I patiently wait at the table not wanting to create a scene. I did not want push her away. I thought she was okay. She'd go to the bathroom do whatever ladies do, and come back. I begin to panic after about ten minutes. I've come to the conclusion that this date is an utter disaster, but now I'm worried for her. I dismiss the waiter for the third time and head to the bathroom and creepily stand outside the ladies' bathroom trying to come up with a plan.

I am a god damn delta operator and I can not figure this date out.

Once the coast is clear I awkwardly knock on the bathroom door.

"Diane, its Jack. I just wanna make sure you're alright. I, I uh, I'll drive you home." I say awkwardly. I get no response and I begin to think she bailed. I knock again trying to protect my bruising ego. Just as I beginning to except the crushing fate, the door opens.

"I'm sorry... I... I don't think I'm ready for this. I'm sorry." Diane said nervously as she rubbed her hands together. I hand her her clutch.

"Come on, I'll bring you home." I say trying to smile.

It was an awkward walk back to my car. I wish now I had eaten lunch at least. Not only is my ego bruised but I'm starving too. I open the door for her but she does not get it and just looks at me.

"I'm sorry, Jack."

"It's my fault. I said I could do a friendly date and this place is anything but. I was nervous so I asked my team leader where to go and he recommended this place. I probably should've asked more questions." I explain.

"No, this place is probably great. It's not that it's me. I just... my ex..." she stuttered getting emotional.

"Your ex really did a number on you didn't he?" I say holding the door. She nods keeping her tears locked away in her glassy brown eyes. "The freshest starts come after the roughest battles... an old army buddy told me that. I saw you reliving the battle. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that things happened to you. I'm sorry that you need a fresh start. I'm sorry that your ex didn't see what a great person he had in front of him..." I say and she nearly tackles me giving me a tight hug.

From the moment I finished talked to Diane I felt like I've known her for my whole life. Conversation were and are still easy.

"You wanna ditch this place and get some ice cream?" I ask as my stomach roars loudly.

"I'd love too," she says with a smile. I turn my body to let her get into the passenger seat. She gives me a quick kiss on my cheek as she gets in. She smiles again as I do. I feel the warmness rush my face as I blush like a school girl.

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Please Review. As the chapters process the focus will be more so on Jack and Diane's relationship. Let me know if you want any memorable moments included. I think I have most of hem in there but I'd love some feedback and ideas.


	5. Future

**Future**

* * *

 _I_ _serve with the memory of those who have gone before me._

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Jack looked around the scenic park. As scenic as he first thought it actually was quite empty. He could see the greenest grass for miles but nothing else. No trees. No houses. No other benches.

The sky was the clearest he's ever seen it. There were a couple clouds but they were incredibly white. Unstained. Pure.

"How's your mother?" My father asks reading his newspaper.

"She's good. She's giving the folks at the home hell." I reply still admiring the clouds. He chuckles as he flips a page.

"And your sister?"

"She's good. I went down for her birthday... saw her and Ma." I stutter. "The kids are good."

"Good." He said with a smile as he flipped another page.

"What are we doing?" I ask confused. This is the longest time we have spent at the park.

"Time moves slower while we are here. So we will wait." He said folding his paper and setting it on his lap.

"Wait for what?"

"I don't want you to be distracted." He replied. I can feel my face twist in confusion.

I open my mouth to ask him a follow up question. I've always hated it when he answered a question with a vague response. Before I can speak I feel like someone smashed me in the chest knocking me off the bench. I feel like all the air has been sucked out of my body as I struggle for my next breath. My hands go to my chest protecting it from the unknown as I squeeze my eyes shut yelling in agony.

However as soon as the pain came it left. I take a couple deep breaths and pat my chest as I get my bearing.

I open my eyes and see Diane sitting across from me smiling as she stirred her milkshake. Since our semi disastrous first date we've almost been inseparable. I would pick her up from work or go out for dinner or lunch. It's been about two months give or take. We agreed to take it slow. She remained hesitant about starting a new relationship after her last one. I explained that my leave was coming to an end, and there was the chance I would not be around as much.

"You must have been to some beautiful places?" Diane said looking up at the clear sky.

"I have." I answer with a smile.

"What's your favorite?" She asks and I think long and hard.

"Not to sound cheesy but I like I here the best."

"North Carolina?"

"Yeah. It's been my home the last five years."

"Fine." She rolls her eyes with a smile as she sips her milkshake.

"Germany has the best beer." I reply with smile.

"So, what's your plan with the army?"

"Well, I'm lucky with my job and the fact that I'm a reservist. I'd like to go back to school. Maybe get into OCS and see what happens." I say shrugging my shoulders.

"You don't live on base do you?"

"Nope. I got myself an apartment. I share it with another guy but he's away on training for another few months." I say with a smile.

"I get it..." she chuckled as she catches a glimpse of her watch. I see panic spread across her face.

"Is everything okay?" I asked concerned.

"I gotta go. I gotta get home." She says grabbing her purse. She digs in her purse I'm assuming for her bus card.

"What's going on? Is everything alright?"

"I gotta get home. I gotta get her off the bus. I gotta get to the bus." She says standing.

"I'll drive you. It'll be quicker." I say tossing some cash on the table. I'm not exactly sure what she's talking about, but I knew it was important.

"I'm sorry I'm such a terrible date." She says quietly after we've driven a ways.

"It's okay." I won't trying to ease her nerves. "Is everything alright?"

"It's a long story."

"I'm a good listener." I reply I was still trying to show her I was in her corner. Someone she could lean on. Someone she could depend on. Someone she could count on. Someone that could help her. She was some independent it was sexy but frustrating at the same time.

"I know." She whispered holding my hand.

We were only a minute or two from her house but the silence made it feel like hours. I did not know what to say or do. She appeared to be keep whatever was on her mind close to her heart.

She jumps out of my car before I can get it into park. I see a ratty rundown car parked outside of her house.

"Diane?!" I holler to her. She must've lost her damn mind. I could've easily ran her over.

"Ma, call the police!" She begins yelling as a person got out of the ratty car. My spidey senses get kicked into overdrive. I get out of my car and survey my surroundings.

"Really? What'd you think I was going to stay in jail forever? That I wouldn't find you?!" The man yells. I assume this is her no good ex.

"Todd, get out of here. My mother is calling the cops."

"I'm not leaving til I get what's mine!" He yells walking towards her. I tried to stay behind. Not wanting to intrude in her business. I immediately step in front her and push him. I startle them both.

"You ran away from me to get to with this loser? You ran to your parents, you really think I wouldn't find you?" He says pointing at me and I smile. "You belong to me. You're mine." He tries to push past me and I push him back again. This time harder as I fight my own rage. He falls back landing on his butt. I hear a school bus coming and I look behind to see Diane talking with the bus driver before grabbing a small child. She covered the child's face running to her mother. "You think I'm scared of you." Todd said as he moved to get back to his feet. I chuckled as I stepped on his hand.

"If you had a brain, you would be." I say putting more weight on his hand. He tried to push me off but I was not going to budge. "Now, I'm going to get off your hand and your going to get up and go to your car and leave. You're going to forget this address, and you will never come back here." I warned quietly so Diane would not hear me as she passed the child to her mother.

"Oh yeah, what if I don't?" Todd said trying to be tough but I could see the pain in his eyes as I applied more pressure.

"If you bother Diane or her family ever again. I will be the last face you see." I say closing the distance between us looking in his eyes. "Now, get up, and leave while I still let you." I say crushing his hand once more before getting up. Todd slowly stood cradling his hand. I stood ready to fight. I wanted nothing more than to crush his skull into the sidewalk.

"This isn't over." He warned shaking his hand. I smile and turn my head. I go to step forward to get him but I feel Diane gently tug at the back of my shirt. I abandon my budding anger and let him leave in his hunk of junk car.

"Are you alright?" I ask with a hug her tightly.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry about of this." Diane said as her hands shook brushing her curly hair from her face.

"That's your ex?"

"Thanks for that..."

"Who's the kid?" I ask more insensitively than I had intended to do.

"Jack, I know I probably owe you an explanation but I got to check on her and my mom. It's best that you leave." Diane stuttered and rambles on nervous. I feel my heart sink. Did she hear me threaten him? I'm so confused that I'm not even sure what exactly happened.

"I... I'm sorry... I just..." I tried to explain, but before I could Diane's mother hugs me.

"Oh my god, Ma..." Diane said covering her face.

"Thank you," she said and I smile.

"No problem, ma'am."

"You must be Jack?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I'm Claire. Diane's mother."

"It's a pleasure to meet you."

"You should come over for dinner tonight?" She asks and I look at Diane for confirmation who simply shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't wanna impose." I stutter as I still have to talk to Diane.

"Nonsense. We'd love to have you."

"Thank you, ma'am... I'll call you, Diane." I say giving her a quick kiss on her forehead as I leave.

"That's who you've been spending all your time with?" Claire asked Diane crossing her arms.

"He's a great guy, Ma. You'll like him. He's not like Todd." Diane argued as she walked back to her house. "I was going to tell you about him. I was."

"Does he know about Todd?"

"Kind of,"

"What about Riley?"

"No, not yet. You don't need to worry. He's different, and he makes me happy."

"You didn't beat that SOB?" My father asks crossing his arms.

"I wanted to. I still want to. I should've killed him." I mumble under my breath.

"Why didn't you? I remember you picking you up from school for fighting over things much less significant than this." My father chuckled.

"I like to think the army taught me how to pick my battles. I didn't know the history between them. I didn't know what a dirt bag he was or how poorly he treated her. Nothing good would've come from it... I should've killed him. I've killed for less." I say clenching my jaw. I feel my father look at me slightly shocked. "Don't look at me like that. That's why you're doing this right? So, I acknowledge my shitty bloody past and make amends?" I chuckle as I walk back to the bench.

"That's part of it." He says looking at me.

"I'm ready. I'll do what I have to get back." I say fighting my own mixed emotions. I could feel my own eyes get glassy.

"How bad is it?" He asked, and I let out an involuntary chuckle as I wiped the tear threatening to spill.

"It's pretty bad. I was no good to her. Riley. My teammates... I was a bloody tasmanian devil bouncing between the CIA and army for years. The fact that I've made it this far is a blessing... I'll pay my dues." I say raising my hands in surrender.

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Please Review! What do you think? Will Jack's openness save his life or prolong his suffering?


	6. Limbo

**Limbo**

* * *

 _I pledge to uphold the honor and integrity of their legacy in all that I am - in all that I do._

* * *

The feeling of the peaceful park was no longer felt peaceful. The beauty now felt eery. It almost felt like a set up. My spidey senses were tingling. I turn and I no longer see my father. I'm alone. Just as I feel myself begin to panic I see a shadowy figure emerge just over the horizon. I am unable to make it out given my aging eyes.

I turn around and see Diane standing in front of me. She looks stressed. She called me to come over before the dinner so we could talk. My first thought is she's going to bail. She's going to break up with me. I don't think there's anything I could say to change her mind. However, we've been standing outside her house for fifteen minutes and it's been silent.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I ask quietly looking down at my boots. My bruising ego prevented me from making eye contact.

"Jack... I like you. I have to be honest with you." She said, I breath a sigh of relief hoping that she had no bad news. "That man that came by is my abusive ex husband. I left him and came here to start over. He came after me, because I took our little girl with me."

She stared at me gauging my reaction. Diane was much stronger than I had ever realized. She was able to get away from a bad man and moved to a healthy home. All while raising a child. This entire time I thought she was playing hard to get but she had bigger things to deal with then dealing with guy chasing after her... in a good way.

"Please, say something..." she says with her voice cracking.

"How old is she?"

"She's four. She'll be five in a couple months."

"What's her name?"

"Riley." Diane said and I feel myself beginning to smile. "I'm sorry I was not honest with you. I was embarrassed."

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Can I meet her?" I ask still smiling.

"She's already in bed. Maybe next time." Diane said slightly relieved. I don't know what to say to her so I just hug her tight. My stomach growled loudly. "Hungry?"

"Yeah, a little. Sorry."

"I'm sure my folks are watching us through the window. My mother made pasta." Diane said taking me by my hand.

"Hold on one second." I say remembering I left things in my car. I hand her a mixed bouquet of flowers and a children's coloring book. "I'm not sure what little kids' like much less girls. My niece loves coloring books... I was kinda hoping it was universal." I say with a nervous chuckle.

"That's very nice." She said looking at the coloring book. "Come on." She said taking my hand again.

"Smells great." I say quietly. She led me into the home. It was a beautiful little townhouse. There was family pictures proudly hung up on the walls.

"Mom, dad, Jack is here." She quietly called out. Her parents quietly emerged from the other room. "Mom, dad, this is Jack. Jack this is my father, Dwayne, and you remember my mother, Claire."

"Nice to meet you, sir." I say shaking her father's hand. "Ma'am," then gently shaking her mother's hand.

"Dinner is almost ready. Those flowers are beautiful. Diane, can you help me set up?" Claire said smiling. Diane reluctantly followed her mother.

"Jack, follow me into my study." Dwayne said putting a hand on my shoulder. His study was a shrine to his military service. It reminds me of my father's study. "My daughter tells me your a military man."

"Army, sir."

"No sirs here. I was a corpsman. Retired." He said taking sitting on his desk. I remained standing. I inspect the awards on his walls and I see his final shadow box.

"Master chief?" I ask.

"Not bad for an army grunt." He says and I chuckle. "Diane says you're a mechanic." I simply nod as I further read the awards.

"Yes, chief." I say.

"I've run across several mechanics in my time." He says and I turn and look at him unsure of what was going on. "Now, I don't know you, but I've seen your type. The way you scan your room. The restraint you showed my daughter's no good ex. Them blisters on your hand. You sure you're a mechanic?" He asks and I cross my arms.

"Uh..." I stutter unable to figure out how to formulate a sentence.

"I know you're not a mechanic. I got plenty of friends still in. Even many friends with some of army mechanics in my travel. I know what you are? Does Diane?" He says and I rub my face.

"If you know, then you know that I can't tell her." I say back quietly.

"Come on, boys. Dinner." Claire said knocking on the door. "Dwayne, leave the poor guy alone."

The man saw right through me. Right through my facade. I have not had that happened in years. I had to play it cool though. I did not want to spook anyone there, and the food was delicious.

"Di says you're in the army. How long have you been in for?" Claire asks smiling at me.

"About ten years. I was active for the first eight, and I've spent the last two in the reserves." I said wiping my mouth.

"Where'd you two meet?"

"At Pops' diner. I uh, I spilt coffee on her. By accident of course." I chuckle.

"You said you're in the reserves? What do you do now?"

"Well, unfortunately my leave is coming to an end, and I begin my two week training cycle shortly. I'm just coming back from deployment. I have yet to be in any place longer to get a civilian job." I explain, I could not tell these people I worked for the CIA.

As dinner began to finish. I began feel incredibly guilty. For the first time in a long time I began thinking ahead. What if something were to happen to me while I'm in some country no one has heard? She'd be caught completely off guard thinking I was nothing but a lonely mechanic. Diane was being honest with me about her painful past and allowing me to make my own decision but I was not giving her the same opportunity.

"It was very nice to meet you, Jack. Thank you for your help today." Claire said with a smile.

"No problem, ma'am. Thank you for having me." I say with a smile. "Nice to meet you both."

"I'll walk you out." Diane said putting her hand on my back. The walk back to my car was awkward. "I know we haven't been seeing each other that long... probably not long enough for you to justifiably meet my folks. Thanks for being so cool."

"It's fine. Your folks weren't bad." I chuckle.

"Well, anyway, thanks for being cool." She said with a smile. She looks so beautiful. I'd probably kiss her if I didn't see her father watching us from the window. And just like that my heart battles with guilt.

"Ah... Diane, I gotta tell you something." I say rubbing my face nervously. Her entire demeanor changes. Her cute smile turned to a stoic expression. She was playing with her pockets and now her arms were crossed. "I... I ah..." I stutter. My heart is pounding.

"What is it?"

"I haven't been honest with you." I said and she looks at me confused. I take a deep breath. "I'm not a mechanic."

"You're not?" She asks confused.

"I'm a special forces soldier. I'm apart of an elite operators." I explain. I still am unable to be as honest with her as I'd like or she deserves.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"It's not something I can tell a lot of people. You can not tell anyone. Or we'd both get in trouble. I didn't want to put you in a bad position. That's why I lied." I explain. "I go all over the world doin all sorts of things. Unfortunately, I can't really tell you much more." I say smoothing my hair trying to hide my shaky hands.

"Have you lied about anything else?" She asked.

"No." I say stepping towards her.

"Don't lie to me again."

"Of course." I say hugging her tightly.

"You didn't run when you found out she had a kid?" I hear my father say behind me. I turn to look at him and he's sitting on the bench at the now gloomy park. I ignore his question and look at the yellowing sky.

"I lied to her everytime I spoke to her. Everytime I told her where I was... I was a liar..." I say to myself under my own breath. She deserved more. "She's great. Riley is great. I was lucky to be apart of it as long as I was." I say still looking at gloomy skies.

"You promised to be truthful." He says and I shrug my shoulders.

"I was to an extent. I was as honest as Uncle Sam would let me be... I never expected this to happen to me... I thought I'd live and die as a soldier. I never thought I'd have a family."

"Why not?" He asks and my head snaps in his direction.

How could he ask me that?

"Are you serious? Heaven has you acting the fool." I say feeling the anger wash over my body.

"JJ..."

"Don't JJ me!" I yell balling my fists. "Our house was filled with nothing but chaos and dysfunction. Why do you think that Julie and I left the second we could?! What makes you think that I want to open my house of horrors?"

"I changed my ways..." he says quietly touching my shoulder and I push him away. My shove startles is both. "Jack..."

"Stop. You don't get to just push everything off like it was fine. It was not fine!" I fee myself getting angrier as I feel a bull smashing around in my chest begging to get out. My blood boils white hot as I see black spots cloud my vision.

"Jack..."

"Stop! Okay, just stop..." I say walking away. I rub my face and eyes trying to get clarity. I look up and see the same shadowy figure at the horizon as before.

"I thought we were past all of them. Last time I saw you..."

"You were dying! I wasn't gonna say nothing..." I say running my hands through my hair.

"You have every right to blame me for a shitty childhood. I'm sorry." He says I feel my face involuntarily twist he tries to hug me but I can't. I'm too angry. He's trying to take the easy way out even in death. I shake my head and wave him off as I walk away.

"I need to take a walk." I whisper fearing if I raise my voice that I will lose control of my emotions. I'm trying to keep my mind right, and my head on straight while I wait in limbo... with every second... every memory I feel myself losing control. Losing myself.

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Please Review! What do you think?


	7. Cat Snack

**Cat Snack**

* * *

 _I am a warrior._

* * *

"Who is that?" I ask my father. The shadowy figure remained at the horizon. It did not live as if it was watching me. Watching my father and I. The sky continued to look gloomy. The clouds darkened blocking the majority of sunlight.

"I don't know." He answers shrugging his shoulders. "Come sit." He says putting his hand on my shoulder.

I turn and see my father sitting in a booth. I look around and see that we are back at Pops' diner. I look around. At first jumping into my memories was pretty cool but it has lost its luster. I ignore my father's gaze.

I'm still angry. Not so much at him but myself. I just yelled at and pushed my dead dad. I feel like I'm losing my damn mind.

"You're late. You've been coming here everyday after your run." He says but I continue to ignore him.

"Where's Jack?" Helen asked smiling as Diane continuously stared at door.

"I'm not sure. Maybe he's just running late." Diane explains still staring at the door.

"How'd the dinner go?" Cindy asked smiling at Diane.

"I thought it went really well." I could hear the self doubt in her voice.

"Maybe Dad scared him away." Helen said looking at herself in the mirror.

"No." Diane snapped back.

"Have you slept with him yet?" Helen asked nonchalantly.

"Helen!" Diane said blushing. I feel my own cheeks get hot.

"You haven't?!" Helen said with a giant smile. "You had him meet our parents before he got a piece of the cat snack?" Helen asked while fighting her own urge for laughter.

"Oh my god, Helen." Diane snapped back turning the reddest I've ever seen her. Diane shakes her head as she walked to the nearby payphone. I assume to call me.

"Oh my god yourself, Dee. You've been out of the game now for a while. I figured you would've hopped on that a lot sooner." Helen chuckled.

"Maybe he had something to do today." Cindy said playfully slapping Helen in the arm. Diane hung up the phone looking disappointed.

"He would've said something." Diane says worried. She stares at the phone thinking. The bells on the door jingled as it opened. Diane turned her head disappointed. "Wait, your friends with Jack right?" She says asking John Bradley, my team leader, he smiles at her boldness.

"I am." He says taking his headgear off.

"Have you seen him? He's usually here by now." She asks trying to hide her worries.

"No ma'am, I haven't. If I do though, you'll be the first to hear." He said with a smile.

For the next couple hours I watch Diane battle between feeling empowered and independent who doesn't need anybody to feeling hurt and vulnerable. She had a rollercoaster of emotions running wild in her head. Diane stared at the clock counting down until her shift ended.

"Go. I'll cover for you." Helen said as she wiped down the table.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Go. Let me know if we gotta burn his apartment down." Helen teased.

I followed her to the bus as she hopped around the bus line. Diane would walk to the diner for work and used the buses when the weather was spotty. I'm surprised that she is able to remember where I live. She has a better sense of direction than most butter bars fresh out of the academy.

As she makes her way up the stairs I find myself inside my apartment. I'm arguing with someone on the phone. I can't remember what the argument was about. I'm wearing a suit and my hair is combed. I shake my head ignoring the person on the other end of the phone. I hear a knock on the door.

"Diane?" I say with a smile. I feel an immense relief. I give her a tight hug and kiss her forehead. "Come inside." She smiles reluctantly coming inside. "Dad, I'll call you back later." I say hanging up the phone.

"I missed you at the diner." Diane said looking around at my near empty apartment.

"Sorry, I had a last minute job interview this morning. I totally forgot about it. Almost missed it." I say nervously when in reality I was at local CIA outfit getting reinstated. "Is everything alright?"

"I just got worried that's all. Did you get the job?"

"I did." I said taking my tie off. I try and tidy up.

"Doing what?" She asked and I want to tell her the truth and the secrecy I am sworn too. I look down at the magazines, and old newspapers.

"Traveling bathroom tile salesman." I say confidently like I did not just make it up from various words I collected from ads and headlines.

"Oh,"

"Where are my manners? Would you like anything to drink or eat?"

"No."

"Diane, is everything alright?" I ask touching her shoulders looking at her.

"Yeah... I just panicked and thought that my baggage was too much." She says rubbing her face. I hug her tight. I had no idea that not showing up at the diner could cause this.

"I'm sorry. Come on, now. I told you I don't scare easy." I explain. I lifted her face up so she could see that I was serious. I go to further reassure her but she kisses me. I feel my heart somersault in my chest.

I do not want to make it sound like she was a prude. We've kissed plenty of times. Even made it out and followed around on a couple times, but we have not gone all the way.

Diane was special. She was not some broad you bring home for one night of fun. She was also a very intricate delicate puzzle that captivated my simple mind.

However I won't lie. I've been looking forward to this moment right here. I was a little wound up. I was returning from a stressful six month tour and as soon as I got home in began my two month chase of Diane. Without going into too much detail I was working with quite a dry spell for a 27 year old version of me.

"Wait," she says pulling away but I continue to smile at her. I feel the spirit take ahold of me. I slowly reach up and take ahold of her blouse. I slowly unbutton the top button. I see her fight a smile as I continue down. Right as I get to the third or forth button she covers my hand with hers. "Not here," she whispers with a smile. I smile even more.

I take her by the hand and lead her to my bedroom. Luckily my room was not terribly disgusting. I had some dirty clothes on the floor and my bedroom was unmade.

I gently lay her on he bed and kiss her again. I begin to unbutton her blouse again as she giggles gently rubbing the back of my head.

"You waited for that?" My father chuckled from behind me. I feel myself getting angry again. One moment I am in pure bliss and then I was dragged back to this. I hope that if I keep my eyes close I can ignore my father.

"Not that I have to explain myself to you, but I did. It was great. She worked a ton and seeing each other was difficult." I explain. I feel an overwhelming need to defend Diane to him.

"Why are your eyes close?" He laughs.

I turn to face him to tell him I don't want to leave and I'm immediately blinded by a bright light. Brightest I've ever seen. Brighter than white phosphorus. Brighter than an eclipse. I shield my eyes and turn away. The light disappears and I immediately panic.

Am I dead? Was that it? That's my last memory. This is how my legacy ends. I take a deep breath ready to accept death with open arms. I open my eyes and see myself laying motionless in a hospital bed at a military hospital.

I've got a tube coming out of mouth and one out of nose... another coming out of my chest. I've got stickers all over. Fancy doctor stickers with wires on my face and chest. The doctor is shining a light in my eyes before taping my eyes shut. The doctor than inspects many torso which is covered by he biggest bandage I've ever seen. It looked like a giant sponge wrapped like a towel. The doctor then nods to the nurse. The doctor puts his penlight in his pocket.

"He's stable enough for transfer to Heidelberg Army Hospital. Should be an hour ride in the C-130." The doctor tells Mac and the team.

The kid looks alright. He kind sunburned. He's struggling to sit still in the wheelchair. He's in a hospital gown and has a cast on his hand and an IV in the other.

"So, he's going to be alright?" Mac asks pointing at my almost lifeless body.

"I don't know. His injuries are severe. When he gets to Heidelberg he will get another surgery. We've stopped the internal bleeding but he needs to see a cardiothoracic surgeon." The doctor explains. "I can't tell you he will be alright. His injuries are severe. I'm surprised he's made it this far... I'm sorry. I have to finish the paperwork so he can be transferred. Mac covers his face hiding his emotions.

"Thank you, Doctor." Matty says, I feel a new sense of worry. Matty's back in the field. I must really be hurt. "I've called his sister. She will be meeting us at Heidelberg as soon as she can." Poor Cricket. I never wanted my work to effect her. My sister will be devastated.

"I should call my Ma." Riley said walking away quietly.

"What was the op?" My father as and all I can do is shrug my shoulders.

"I... I... I don't know... I can't remember."

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I think slang names for private parts are hysterical. Hits the funny bone everytime. I couldn't not include it. A little comic relief. Anyway I hope you enjoyed the story. What do you think? Please Review!


	8. Two Sides of Dalton

**Two Sides Of Dalton**

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 _I am a professional soldier._

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Not to long ago I wanted nothing more than to know what was going on in real time. However that want was quickly satisfied watching my lifeless body rock back and forth on a gurney as the C-130 hit minor turbulence. Watching my friend's watch me as if I could die at any given second pulled at my heart strings. Watching Mac struggle to stay upright as he was strapped in next to me. The rocking usually made tired. Reminding me of going home. Except now.

The rocking makes my stomach turn. My nerves feel like literal fire. I've been to Heidelberg before it's a good facility. If I make there I should be alright... I hope.

"C-130 rollin' down the strip..." my father sang as he sat on the bunk above met body. He looks at me to complete the cadence but I ignore him. "64 Rangers on a one-way trip

Mission Top Secret, destination unknown... I used to fly one of these bad boys you know."

I wipe my face feeling my own emotions try to show. I can see now why people get annoyed with me by ruining a serious moment. I just always thought that I was invincible. I've seen worse. I've done worse. So, what ever problem had risen could be dealt with because it could be worse. But it all actuality it because my father does the same damn thing.

"You know this is hell, right?" I sniffled.

"It's all part of the near death experience." He says but I shake my head.

"I've had near death experiences before. Never like this. If I'm just going to die what's the point?"

"I'm not sure. There might not a point." He says shrugging his shoulders. I grumble to myself looking at my body. "How'd you think you were going to go out? Blaze of glory?" He chuckled.

"Alcoholism? Since you know, it runs in the family." I growl back.

I feel butt hit the floor and the blades of grass in between my fingers. I look around at the eery sky of the unpleasant park. I look at the horizon as the shadowy figure return.

"I feel like we've been doing this for months?!" I cry out as I lay back.

"What happened?"

"I don't know! The only thing I remember is waking up in a pool of my own blood!" I yell as I sit back up.

I look back up at the sky as it has cleared up. One of the clearest sky's I've seen. Soon I hear people idly chatting. I look around and find myself walking with Diane in the park. It was one of her favorite things to do.

"Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to be my date for my unit's annual ball?" I ask sheepishly as I smile at her. "There's food, alcohol, and plenty of music."

"I'd love too." She squeals excited. She smiles as I hug her tightly. "What are you doing later?"

"I'm not sure yet. The day is still young, Miss Diane!" I cheer obnoxiously.

"I hate it when you call me that." She teased playfully bopping me in the chest.

"Alright, alright." I say smiling as my hands fall to her lower back as hers find there way to my chest.

"I was wondering if you'd like to meet Riley?" She asks as I can not help but smile.

"Are you sure?"

"Only if you want to. Are you ready?"

"Yeah, absolutely. Maybe we can get ice cream or something."

"She'd like that." Diane says smiling.

"That little girl? She's the one who's always giving you hell, right?" My father asks and I shrug.

"It ain't nothing I don't deserve." I reply. "For the first time I was really thinking about settling down. Getting out of the service and starting a family." I say almost disappointed with myself.

"Well, you left. What changed?" He says his words stinging a little more than I had anticipated.

"'Im not sure." I say quietly.

Later on I anxiously waited at the ice cream shop. My heart pounds in my chest. I've never met someone's kid before in this situation. I could only imagine the deal breaker it'd be for Diane if Little Riley did not like me. My fate rested in the small hands of a five year old.

I anxiously checked my watch again. I saw Diane approaching and an excited child with her.

"Hi," she says quietly. I smile back. "Riley, this my friend Jack. Can you say hello?" Diane says and Riley quickly hides behind her mother's legs. Riley's tiny hands holding just above Diane's knees. I smile.

"Miss Riley, I know your mama likes chocolate ice cream. How about you?" I say crouching down looking at her through the small gap between Diane's legs.

"You talk funny." Riley says looking at me confused.

"I do, don't I?" I chuckle.

"Why?"

"Well, Miss Riley, where I'm from everyone talks like this." I try to explain realizing that it really is not a good enough explanation. "Would you like some ice cream?"

"Yes, please." Riley said with smile. Riley stared at the playground. "Mommy, can I play on the playground?"

"Sure, baby." Diane says as Riley smiles as she ran off to the jungle gym. "It'll be better once she warms up."

"She's fine." I say with a smile handing her her ice cream cone. Riley came running up excited to see her ice cream. We all sat together at a nearby picnic table.

"What's your name again?" Riley asked with melted chocolate ice cream on her face.

"Jack," I smile.

"Are you really a soldier?" She asked moving to sit on her knees.

"I am."

"That's pretty cool. My papa was a sailor." She said giving me her own salute. I salute back. Riley giggles. "Mommy, can I go play?"

"Let me wipe your face." Diane says as I hand her a napkin. I wipe my own hands as I finish my cone. The second Diane's grip loosened Riley took off for the jungle gym. "Did you breathe?" She chuckled as I take a spoonful of her ice cream.

"I was hungry." I smile.

"We had lunch not too long ago." She says shaking her hand.

"Mommy, come push me." Riley yelled standing triumphantly on the swing. Diane tried to eat her ice cream quickly.

"I got it." I say fearing she will get a crazy case of brain freeze. "You know, Miss Riley, I'm a pretty good swing pusher." I say making it up as I go along.

"Oh yeah?!" She squealed.

"Oh yeah! Pop a squat!" I say as I push her.

Her giggles fill the air. It's nice. Almost uplifting. Ive always known that my service to my country was so others could live in safety. Have moments like these. Enjoy moments like these, but to experience these first hand I felt a crazy happiness wash over my souls. Cleansing it.

However my reality came back into view as I heard my government issued beeper start to chirp. I feel my body stiff. My senses intensify, and I go emotionally numb. I check the beeper as the phone number comes across the tiny screen.

"Diane," I call out to her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's work. I gotta make a call." I say kissing her on the cheek and make my way to a nearby payphone. I punch in the phone number and I her a loud long beep. I look around making sure the coast was clear. "Delta 1 Longhorn."

"Received Longhorn. Meet at the Barn for Mission assignment."

"Roger that." I say hanging up.

I rub my face and release a deep breath. I smile at Diane as she begins to walk towards me.

"Is everything alright?" She asked concerned.

"Yeah. It's work stuff. I gotta go." I say regretting my words. We were having such a great time and I don't want to leave.

"Riley," Diane called out and Riley came running out pushing her hair out of her face.

"It was really nice to meet you, Riley. I have to go to work, now, maybe we could get ice cream again?"

"I'd like that." She said giving me a high five. "Can I go play, mommy?" Riley asked and Diane nodded. "Bye Jack!" She yelled.

"This was great. Thank you for letting me meet her." I say smiling. Diane smiles back at me. "I'll call you later." I say giving her a quick kiss.

"Was it the CIA or army?" My father asks.

"Army... I was doing minimal work for the CIA. Doing surveillance on foreign dignitaries, and security. Grunt work." I answer.

I quickly arrive at Fort Bragg and find myself at JSOC. I take the elevator to the bottom floor as I'm buttoning my BDU blouse.

"About time you got here, Jack." Bradley says handing me a packet. I chuckle as I sit down. I was the first person there. Bradley enjoyed busting my balls. Foley and Doc Jones were right on my heels. "Everyone sit."

"What is it, John?" Foley asked concerned as he took the folder.

"We are going back to Somalia." Bradley said as everyone let out an audible groan. We've been chasing a Warlord throughout the now war ridden country. Everytime we got close he'd get away or we'd get the wrong person. However the last time we barely got out at all. "The SEALs ran a snatch and grab off the coast and were able to capture one of Ahmed Kai's lieutenants. They've got some credible intel about where Kai is going to be."

"Is the mission still a snatch and grab? Or can we finally kill this bastard?" I ask studying the maps.

"The brass has got the enough intel from his lieutenant. If Kai can be taken in alive they want us to do that, however due to increased security and the hostile environment Somalia is... Kai's survival is no longer a mission critical." Bradley said pointing to Kai's mugshot.

"What is mission critical?" Foley asked reading the Brass' mission objective.

"Intel suggests that Kai's family is already feuding with several other families. There's some internal struggles. If we eliminate Kai, his infrastructure will not survive without him." Bradley said scratching his shaved head. I close my folder and smile as I look up at him.

"Not if... when."

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Please Review! What do you think? Little Riley meets Jack. Jack battles with work and home.


	9. What would Jack do?

**What would Jack do?**

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 _I will teach and fight whenever and wherever my nation requires._

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 _I_ stare at the horizon as I see a second shadowy figure emerge next to the first. It does not look like they're doing much of anything but I can feel them staring at me. The sky is still yellow but now I can feel a cool breeze. It gives me goosebumps. Everytime I think I begin to understand what is happening something changes.

I hear muffled sniffles. Whimpers almost. I look around and my father is still reading his paper. As I continue to look around the cries get louder.

"Who's crying?" I ask but as I turn around to face him I feel all my strength drain out of my body as I crumble to my knees struggling to keep my eyes open. My vision once again blurred.

As my vision begins to focus I can hear the crying as if the person is in front of me. I look up and see Diane wiping her cheeks as she tries to console Riley. I brace myself against the cold hospital floor trying to gain the strength to stand. I reach out for them and fall on my face.

"Mr. Dalton is being moved to the ICU right now." The doctor explained as he motioned for everyone to sit.

"So, he's going to be okay?!" I hear Mac eagerly ask as I pull myself into a sitting position so I can watch everyone.

"As you know Mr. Dalton's injuries are very severe. The risk for complications are extremely high. He is beginning to show signs of organ failure. We have him on medication to combat this..."

"But?" Diane asks holding Riley's hand tight.

"Mr. Dalton has gone into cardiac arrest several times. There's no telling what kind of oxygen deprivation that's done to his brain. The damage could be irreversible. If he does recover he may not be the same person he was before. I want you to be prepared for anything." The doctor says and the tension in the small room is suffocating. I hang my head.

I never meant to cause them this pain. I don't know how to make it better. I'm digging the best I can but I'm tired. I'm weak.

I look up and see Diane's door. I love down at my class A dress green uniform. All my ribbons and medals on display. My boots polished so shiny you could shave with them.

I remember I haven't seen Diane since I asked her to go to the Ball with me. My team has been busy running mock missions and training for our upcoming deployment. Our deployment I have not told her about yet. She smiles at me as she opens the door.

"You look great." I tell her as I kiss her. She wore a knee length black shimmery dress with a sash. Her curly hair held back by a black barrette. Stunning.

Suddenly the ball and my deployment on the last thing on my mind.

"Wow," she says looking at my uniform.

"You ready?" I ask.

I didn't know how to tell her I was leaving. Everything felt like it going perfect. How it should be. Now I feel like I'm going to ruin it.

I escort Diane into the hall. Her face lights up as she sees the beautiful chandelier. It as spectacularly decorated as always.

"Let me introduce you to the team." I say with a smile as I gently take her by the hand.

As a team we sit together. Eat together. Do everything together. My team would give me approval of Diane. It meant more to me than my father's opinion or even my mother's. These guys were my brothers.

"Jackie boy!" Doc Jones yelled as he picked me up.

"Fellas, I'd like you to meet Diane." I say proudly. I was not introducing her as Diane the waitress from Pops' diner but as Diane, my girl. "Diane, this is John, his wife Karen, Paul, his wife Lynne, and Daquan his fiancé Brittany. Everyone calls him Doc Jones..." I say remembering everyone's name. Everyone explains pleasantries. I pull out Diane's seat for her. "Let me get you a drink." I say gently touching her shoulder.

"How long have you and Jack been seeing each other?" Karen's asks Diane. John was the team leader and I imagine that Karen is like the alpha army wife.

"About six months." Diane answers with a smile.

"Very nice. Jack's a good guy. A little rowdy." She giggled.

"How do you feel about there upcoming deployment?" She asks as the boys and I come back. I see Diane's face drop. Shit.

"Di, let's talk outside." I say to her taking her by the hand once again. Luckily she was too shell shock to be angry.

However her shell shock quickly dissipated, and turned to anger before I could figure out what to say. Even angry she looked gorgeous.

"What did she mean by deployment? Are you leaving?" She asked hurt.

"Yes." I whisper and she groans rolling her eyes. She flails her arms out as her hands are brought to her face.

"When were you going to tell me?" She asks but I remain silent. "Were you going to tell me?"

"Yes. Absolutely. I just found out a couple days ago. I was going to tell you, but I didn't know what to say." I explain as I try to hug her but she pushes me away.

"What do you mean?" She asks still angry.

"I'm going to be away anywhere from three to six months... if everything goes alright. I... i... I can't ask you to wait for me, but I've totally fallen for you. I've never felt this before. Even though i love spending time with you. I can't ask you to wait for me."

"What are you saying?" She asked with glassy eyes. I shake my head as I feel myself beginning to unravel. Communication has never been a strong suit of mine. "Do you wanna break up with me, Jack?"

"I think I love you, Diane." I blurt out. Is it to soon to say the dreaded L word? Oh god. What have I done? Don't panic. Don't panic. "I love you." I say again.

"What?" She asks her voice cracking as a tear ran down her cheek.

"Don't make me say it again..." I say with a whisper as my own voice begins to fail me.

"Say it." She says poking me in my chest. I take a deep breath.

"I love you, Diane." I say again locking eyes with her.

I feel an explosion in my chest and feel myself fall back. However the floor doesn't catch me, nothing catches me. I begin free falling away from my young body as everything turns black. I don't think I have to tell you that that's not how that night ended... me falling into some pit of death.

I feel the ground quickly catch up to me as I slam into it. I feel a mixture of unbearable pain, and the sweet euphoria of narcotic pain killers. I try to lift my head up and it feels like a sandbag. My vision is cloudy but I shield my eyes from a blinding light. I feel a whirlwind of emotions as my eyes fill with tears. I see my father standing above me.

"Dad... I gotta... I gotta get back to her. I gotta see her..." I say feeling like I'm choking on my words.

"Just rest." He says putting his hand on my chest. I shake my head.

I cannot die. I cannot die now. I need to explain everything to her. She deserves to know everything. I need to make things right. Not only with her but Riley.

I push my dad away from me. I roll myself over ignoring the pain. I struggle to get on to all fours... if I can get to my feet... if I can stand. I won't die... I hope.

As I struggle to stand on my unsteady legs. My vision begins to focus and my other senses continue to be in overdrive. I smell the stagnant bleach hospital odor that is Heidelberg. I hear muffled voices and beeping. I see Diane sitting by my side. I feel her thumb as it draws soft small circles on the back of my hand.

"Oh, Jack... what'd you do?" She says with glassy eyes. She uses her free hand to wet my lips with a wet paper towel.

I look awful. I'm as pale as the sheets. I have a tube in mouth and another coming out of my chest. I have a bandage the squeeze of a pillow holding my insides in place. My eyes are taped shut and I'm wired for sound. The causal beeping of ekg monitor and the ventilator breathing for me was a tragic symphony for my ego.

"You better be, okay." She says kissing my ice cold hand. I crumbled to my knees bracing myself against her chair.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." I cry to her. I reach out to touch her but I can't.

"Macgyver!" I hear Matty yell as Mac comes ripping down the hallway in a wheelchair. His IV pole secured to the chair in typical Macgyver fashion. He is able to safely enter my room to see a startled Diane.

"Macgyver? What's going on?" She asked.

"Let me tell you what happened." Mac said trying to maneuver the wheelchair closer to her.

"Mac, this is a covert operation. You are..." Matty started but Mac interrupted her.

"I don't care! I don't care. It's what Jack would want and he would've done it already... its my fault."

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What do you think? Please Review!


	10. War is Hell

A/N: This chapter is rated T/M. Some graphic violence and some cursing.

 **War is Hell**

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 _I will strive always to excel in every art and artifice of war._

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I look down the iron sight of my big beauty. My first love. My M60. Nicknamed the Big Beauty not only for her large size but her fire power. She weighed twenty three pounds unloaded. I carried several hundred rounds of ammunition. A rocket launcher. Several grenades. As crazy as it may sound I packed light because mobility is key. Our missions were always clear. So I would pack mission oriented. Which only added an extra hundred and fifty pounds. No matter what the mission was Big Beauty always came with me.

I felt my body shake as the C130 shook. However I continue to clean my weapon without missing a beat. The rocking was soothing as I prepared my mind and soul for battle.

I've been away for about 4 months... 94 days to be exact. I have not been able to call her but she wrote me, but her voice plays in my head. I've received four letters. I'm sure there's more in transit. Letters sometimes got lost en route or they took longer when we were in the field. Either way I was still appreciative.

I do not know how I got so lucky with her. She was patient with me, and my job. Diane promised to wait for me. I have heard others make the same promise and not keep it, but when she said it I knew it was different. I could feel myself falling crazy... stupid madly in love with her. I missed her so much. I kept her picture in my vest. I can't wait to get back to her. I cherished her letters, rereading them when I was alone. Riley even sent me some drawings giving me updates about school through her stick figures.

"We are going be landing soon." Bradley said as he walked up to me pulling me from my own thoughts.

"Roger." I say inspecting my weapon one last time.

"You alright?" He asked.

"I'm good. Mission ready." I say standing checking my ruck.

"If you truly love her. Just marry her." Bradley chuckles.

"We haven't even been dating for a year and I've spent most of it away from her." I argue. Marriage? The thought alone makes me uneasy. Would she marry me?

"This profession changes the pace of our lifestyles. It's also another way to make sure they're taken care of. Army pays you more. Separation pay, and a good ole insurance policy." He says shrugging his shoulders as he puts his vest on. I follow suit. He punches my plate as I punch his. Delta tradition for as long as I can remember.

Delta operators are a different breed of soldiers. Different breed of human. Bizarre traditions. Bizarre behaviors. Plate punching. Taping our dog tags to our chest we didn't believe in rubber silencers. Writing on blood types on every article of clothing. Random fighting when we are bored or trying to settle a minuscule argument. Random spots sleeping.

"Do you remember the mission?" My father asked I watch as we huddle up to pray before we get off the aircraft.

"We had been all over Somalia. We were dismantling a war lord, Kai's, empire. We were now going after him. We had backed him into a corner. We were gonna get him and the remaining lieutenants. The group that went before us was unable to finish them. They got held up. We were suppose to distract the hostiles and let them sneak out." I explain as I remember the soul crushing mission.

We commandeered a shitty run down pick up truck. We were going to set up and wait and unleash hell. I sat in the back of pick up next to Paul. Longhorn next to Eagle Eye. He'd point them out and I'd annihilate them. We usually were not together. Bradley was my official unofficial partner. Foley was usually with Doc Jones. Doc Jones was also out mechanic and Bradley drove as team leader. We were cruising through the crappy village.

"What happened?" My father asks. I instinctually wipe my tears away. Looking at my shaking hands. I was crying. I am crying. I feel my heart begin to break. Scarred wounds breaking open. Then I feel rage boiling over.

"Why? Why this?" I say as my voice cracks.

"What happened?" He asks again. I feel my rage begin to blind me. The playful banter of my team echoing in my head.

"I remember..." was all I could think to say. "I remember all the arguments that we had about my choice to enlist and not go through OCS. My choice to drop out of college and enlist. You didn't talk to me for months... I never felt like I was a good enough soldier. Or son. I remember you telling how proud of me you were when I got a battlefield commission. That it was a true testament to my merit, but I never told you what happened. That this promotion came at the blood of my friends!" I yell.

"Jack..."

"No. You watch! You watch what I did to earn this!" I argue pointing at the run down truck.

The truck was not as soothing as the C130. You cannot relax on a mission. Adrenaline was at Mach 5 so there was a struggle to to reel it in and keep a clear head.

"I've got movement..." Foley called out but before he could finish the pinging of ricocheting bullets off the truck.

"Hold on." Bradley said as he began evasive maneuvers. I held onto the edge as Foley and I kicked the roof of the pick up off.

I grabbed Big Beauty and let her fury unleash. The hot bullets illuminate briefly in the night. The free glow of the night vision still haunts me. I fired in clusters as Foley shouted out their locations. I tried to my damnest to get them as quick as he called them but we quickly discovered we were outmanned with nowhere to go.

That's when I heard it. The haunting hiss of an RPG. The rocket propelled grenade glowed brightly as it came flying at us. I felt my stomach hit there floor. I thought of my family back home in Texas. I thought of Diane. I thought of Riley. I thought I was going to die with uncanny certainty.

The rocket struck underneath the driver side where the pickup and cabin met. I remember feeling the pickup lift off the ground as Big Beauty and I get separated. I was thrown from the vehicle like I was weightless. I'm unsure what I hit but I was thrown like a rag doll and destroyed everything in my path. Once my body came to rest I tried to get up onto my feet. I spit out a mouthful of blood.

I need to check on my teammates. My friends. I need to get to cover. The men that blew us up would be coming to check. I could not get up. I could not move. I could barely see. I felt like a truck ran me over. My entire body hurts. I see the fiery glow of the truck remains reflecting off my blood pool. I fight to stay conscious.

I pulled myself up using a nearby car that stopped my air travel. My hands burn and the world is spinning. I immediately do a blood sweep on myself checking for any major bleeds. I'm covered in dirt and blood, but I cannot find the source. I touch my face as I drop blood. The night vision goggles are gone. My vision is blurred and my one eye is just about swollen shut. My skin stings as I touch it. The only thing I can hear is my own thoughts and even they are muffled. My uniform is shredded and I'm now unarmed.

I look around trying desperately to focus my vision. I see two or three shadowy figures around the fiery blast. I hide behind a dumpster or a car... I'm not exactly sure what. I unsheathed my knife as my vision focuses on the two tangos. The second one of these guys gives me there back I'll get him.

I crouch low as I steady my breathing. I struggle to hold the knife steady in my hand. I'm sure it's broken. My ears are ringing as the men approach. I can more clearly make out there silhouettes with my obscured vision. I can hear them begin to argue with each other in their native tongue. It sounds like peanuts in my head.

One man touches my blood pool not knowing that I'm stalking him from behind. My singed uniform acting as camouflage. The other man begins trying to lift a cigarette. I use the remainder of my adrenaline and explode from behind the dumpster. I grab him by the shirt collar and yank him towards me and drag the blade across his throat with such force I nearly decapitate the poor guy. I kick his lifeless body to his friend. The man drops his cigarette horrified. He pushes his dead friend away still shocked. I tackle him to the ground covering his mouth with one hand stabbing him with the other. I watch the life drain from his eyes. I grab his rifle from his body.

I gimp and limp towards the truck and I find Paul crawling away about ten feet from the blaze. I'm relieved, but scared at the same time.

"Paul... Paul, you aright?" I asked breathless. He turns panicked shoving his burnt pistol in my face. I fight with him for control of the weapon.

"JD?!" He asks confused holding my face. I pull the weapon away from him.

"It's me." I say trying to be as soothing as I can but I could barely hear my own voice.

"JD, my leg! Look at my leg!" Paul says grabbing my collar and grabbing what was left of his leg with the other. I fight the urge to get sick looking at the bones of tendons in his leg. I snatch the tourniquet off his vest as mine was probably melted somewhere.

"Quit touching it! You're gonna fuck it up!" I say applying the tourniquet. I undid my belt and secured his bum leg to his good leg. "Can you fight?"

"I can fight." Paul said gathering his bearing.

"You better not shoot me." I said handing him back his pistol. I grab him under the arms and begin dragging him away from the crash and putting him in a nearby fruit cart. "Call for evac. I'll be right back." I tell him as I go back to the fiery blaze.

"Jones?!" I call out seeing him desperately trying to break the driver door free.

"John's stuck inside." Doc Jones panicked. I smash the windshield several times with the butt of the weapon before it finally breaks. Jones and I grab and pull Bradley out as muscle fatigue began to set in for both of us.

"Is he alive?!" I ask Jones who begins to look him over. Bradley was not moving and I can't tell if he's breathing. He's badly burned, and his helmet was cracked.

"Barely. We gotta get him to a hospital." Doc Jones said with shaky hands. I hand Doc Jones the rifle and pick up Bradley and carry him to the fruit cart that Foley is in.

"Evac is... is the fa... fail safe rendezvous point." Foley stutters as he is shivering. The tourniquet is stopping his leg from bleeding but he could have internal injuries.

"Doc, set a charge on the truck." I tell him as I try to calm Foley again.

I struggle to free the fruit cart on account of my burnt broken hand. I continue to feel my vision get worse.

"JD, let me get them. You lead." Doc says trying to hand me the rifle.

"I can barely see. Just go..." I see breathless.

"Jack?" I hear my father say to me. He touches my arm and I immediately pull it away.

This is something that has haunted me for twenty years. I've never spoke about this to anyone.

"What happened..."

"Intel was bad... due to a clerical error we received the wrong map. We prepped for months with bad intel! We went through a hot zone and Kai's stronghold on bad intel." I say feeling myself getting blinded by my rage.

"How'd everyone make out?" My father asks again. I crumble on the floor as I laugh.

"We all survived technically." I say laughing as I cover my face. "We were able to get to the fail safe point with no issue... Bradley suffered a severe TBI he now sits in a wheelchair and has multiple seizures a day. He doesn't speak. He just sits there staring. Not to mention he lost a couple fingers and part of his hand not that it matters because he doesn't know what's going on! He was a fucking war hero!" I yell slowly getting to my feet walking towards my father.

"Jack..."

"He got a Purple Heart and some other bullshit medals not that he knows... hmmm let me see who do you want to talk about next?"

"Jack..."

"Foley... that poor SOB lost his leg. He got a Purple Heart and a silver star, and vivid flashbacks anytime he sees them or me for that matter. Greatest sniper in the game taking out just like that!"

"Jack!"

"Doc Jones became a cadre SF instructor and recruited operators. Got himself a promotion and a silver star for his troubles. And then there's yours truly..." I say with a chuckle ignoring him again. "I got a battlefield commission. First one in fifty years! According to our unit's historian. A Purple Heart and a silver star. Oh, and last but not least a life of regret, and nightmares."

"There's nothing you could've done." He says and I push him back. I feel something snap inside me.

"If I just shot that guy maybe..." I say as I begin to feel myself become overcome with emotion.

"Another one would've got you. You can't blame yourself." He says and I shake my head.

"You don't know! You weren't there! I lost three great friends that night. Bradley's wife slapped me when she saw me at Heidelberg. She blamed me, it's my fault. I was suppose to have his back. It should've been me." He tries to touch me again and I push him. I can few tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Jack..."

"You got what you wanted. I got commissioned became an officer just like you wanted. I was finally good enough for you."

"You've always been good enough. I know that I haven't always expressed that to you or cricket. But you made me more than proud. You took care of your Ma and sister while I was away. You stood by me threw my drinking when I didn't deserve it. I love you son, and I've always been proud of you." He says hugging me. I feel myself crumble like a boy.

* * *

Please Review! What do you think? I apologize if the violence was too much. I tried to capture the reality of 'War is Hell'. Jack has hinted throughout the series that he's experienced some bloody battles. I wanted to include that, and how it effected him back stateside.

p.s. I'm working on Mistaken Identity. Just trying to get some kinks out so it can get the ending it deserves. Stay tuned!


	11. Homecoming

**Homecoming**

* * *

 _I know that I will be called upon to perform tasks in isolation, far from familiar faces and voices, with the help and guidance of god._

* * *

I stir my amber beverage. I've been home for about ten days. I spent two weeks in the Heidelberg Hospital. I called Diane that I'd be home early and then pretended to have a bad phone connection and hung up. She does not know I'm home. No one. Part of me remains in Somalia, and another part of me is in Heidelberg... the rest of me in chasing in this whiskey.

I'm still very much battered. My face scabbed. My eye remains blood shot but is no longer swollen, and a faint bruise lingers. My hand being held together by a black cast. My pinky and ring finger included in the cast.

"Why didn't you tell her you were home?" My father asks as I continue to watch myself drink.

"I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to tell her or little Riley."

"Why not call home? We could've talked."

"Talked?" I chuckle. I feel myself becoming defensive just as I did back then.

"This is normal. Maybe normal? I remember finding myself in a similar bar stool doing the same thing. Feeling like no one understood. When I came home from Vietnam everything was different. It was like the world went on without me. Your mother was the calm in the storm that was my life. And when I came home I wanted to leave. I knew she deserved better. Deserved someone that didn't have vivid nightmares every right. Someone that didn't get startled after every loud noise or car back fire..." he explains taking the words out of my damn mouth. "I couldn't eat rice or jello for years without thinking I was back in the jungle."

"I slept on the floor. I... I kept getting woken up by imaginary. For some reason it was easier if I slept on the floor." I chuckle.

"You still have nightmares?" He asked more so as a rhetorical question then anything else. I nodded.

"Anytime an op goes bad or something really gets my adrenaline I go back." I say pointing to my head.

"Back where?" He asks and I laugh.

"Anywhere... Somalia, the sandbox the first time and second, to other ops. Sometimes I get lost in here."

"Who brings you back?"

"I have good friends." He nodded approvingly.

It took me a while after Diane to let anyone in. I thought everyone was out to get me and I went on a reckless spree. Never did I think some punk EOD tech would be one of my best friends. I never did tell Mac about Bradley and Somalia though.

"Where are you now?"

"Somalia... Heidelberg..." I say watching myself do another shot. "everytime I tried to visit Bradley his wife stopped me. She blamed me, I blamed me. Meanwhile the army treated me like I was some damn hero."

I push my bar stool back as I throw some cash down. I wait a second allowing time for my equilibrium to adjust. I pull my hat down as I leave the bar trying to hide my battered appearance from the prying public. I find myself braced against a payphone. I begin involuntarily dialing the only number I could think of.

"Hello..." her voice echoed in my empty head. Bringing me to life. I rested my head on the phone booth staring at the headset. I struggle to hold the phone with my casted hand. I struggle against my own motions as the tears sting my healing cut. "Hello?"

I try to speak but words fail me, and I don't have the strength to hang up either.

"Hello?" She says slightly annoyed.

"H... hi..." I say with a shaky stutter.

"Jack?!" She says in a panic.

"Hi..." I sniffled taking a deep breath.

"Are you alright?"

"I... I'm... I'm home." My emotions betraying me.

"Where are you?"

"I can't... I can't... I thought this... I thought this was a good. This relationship..." I say with a shaky slur.

"Stop." She interrupts me. "Where are you?"

"I..." I stutter again as I begin looking for my words and for a visible street signs.

"O'Slattery's? The GI? Ah... the pub by Pops'?" She began asking me.

"The pub." I reply. I see the irony now that I tried to break up with her after drinking at the bar we met in.

"I'm on my way. Don't move." She says hanging up. The deafening sound of the dial tone caused me to crumble. I sat on the curb holding my head. I wipe my sore eyes. I watch as the sun begins to set on another wasted day.

I finally compose myself as I am blinded by a headlight. My eyesight was still incredibly sensitive. My vision was still blurred partially because of the injury and the alcohol now.

"Jack?!" She called out. I feel my heart do a somersault in my chest as I struggle to stand. I hug her so tightly. She cried into my chest and she had the biggest smile on her face. "Are you alright?" She asked me cradling my face. I shrugged my shoulders and nodded.

"I'm... I'm okay." I stutter. I can tell she's staring at my face. Between my bloodshot eye, scabbed burn, and rocksteady jawline. I was a sight to see but the longer she stared the more insecure I felt.

"Let me bring you back to my place. Let me cook you some food..." She says and I begin to shake my head looking away.

"I don't want Riley to see me like this." I say barely holding myself together.

"She will be asleep when we get back. Please, Jack. You look exhausted. You shouldn't be alone." She said holding my hand tightly.

"Okay..." I whisper. She hugs me tightly again. She held my hand tightly.

Like a sappy shitty music video I stared out the window as she drove. My heart races as my mind continues to warn me about the impending RPG that I know will never come. I feel wired but exhausted at the same time. She holds my casted hand.

"I'm... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I didn't call you." I say quietly.

"It's okay. I'm just glad you're okay."

I watch as the street lights come on. I stared at the moon as I released a deep shaky breath. I stare at my other hand as it just shook ever so slightly.

We pulled up to an apartment complex that was unfamiliar to me. It was another reminder that life moved on.

"I got my own place." She said proudly. I felt my heart swell with pride. I give her a small smile. "My sister is inside with Riley now. They went to the museum today. Riley is probably asleep."

I felt guilty. I felt like a burden. Like I was drowning. I felt panicked. My nerves felt like they were on fire. A storm.

"It's not the prettiest step up but it is my own. Riley likes it. It is close to her school." She says trying to break the awkward tension as I follow behind her.

The apartment was fairly nice. Seemed much better than anything I'd initially expect on waitress salary. I followed her up the stairs. She quietly unlocked the door as we crept in. Helen was right there staring at me.

"Oh thank god," Helen says relieved as she gives me a reluctant hug. "Riley is asleep. She just went out... welcome home." She says giving Diane a hug before leaving.

Diane gives me another hug. We stand there embracing each other for several minutes. She holds my face and gently kisses my bruises and cast. She gently kisses me, and hugs me again.

"Sit down. Let me make you something to eat." She says kissing me again.

What a terrible welcome home. There's so many other things I should be doing. Mostly to her. This should be an exciting moment but it's not because of me. Survivor's guilt hiring me extra hard. My subconscious not allowing me to be happy or forgive myself.

I sat on the couch just stared at the tv as if it was on. Even though my nerves were on fire I was beginning to feel better as I pushed my subconscious to the back. I looked up and saw little Riley standing there staring me. She looked taller then before I left. She wore little Disney Cinderella pajamas.

"What happened to your face?" She asked making a slightly disgusted face.

"I fell." I chuckled.

"Katie in my class has a cast too." She said climbing on the couch sitting next to me touching my cast. "You've been gone for a long time."

"I was working."

"My Mom says that your in the army so sometimes you have to go to far away places to get bad guys." She says. I'm unsure if it's a question or a statement.

"I do."

"Next time, can you not be gone for so long? You missed my birthday party." She said slightly upset.

"I'm sorry I missed it, but your mama told me all about in her letters."

"You got our letters?" She asked so excited.

"I did." I say smiling at her but I feel my eyes swell with tears at her innocence.

"Does your booboo hurt?"

"Cute kid." My father said and I quickly find myself at the park. I shake my head as I walk over to the bench to sit. I hold my head and take a deep breath.

"What're think about?" He asks me and I chuckle.

"Every bad thing I've ever done. Maybe if I beat you to the punch we can end this?" I say standing.

"That's not how this works." He says quite confidently.

"Tell me then. Tell me how this works because I'm exhausted. I don't want to do this anymore. Either end it and send me to heaven... or hell. Or send me back! I can't do this anymore!"

* * *

Please Review! What do you think?

PS Mistaken Identity should be updated in the next day or too!


	12. Battle Fatigue

**Battle Fatigue**

* * *

 _I will keep my mind and body clean, alert, and strong, for this is my debt to those who depend on me._

* * *

I release a deep breath as I stare at my boots. This truly was purgatory. Maybe worse because I wasn't even really dead.. yet. I don't think my mind will survive this if I do pull through. I feel myself slowly becoming more insane by the minute. Years in this purgatory are only minutes... maybe even seconds in real life. I will have relived a lifetime when I get back and then I only get to spend seconds with everyone. Kind of cruel karma. I probably will never be able to work again. What will my life be like? I've never not done this.

I look around and I'm alone. Alone with my thoughts. I see another silhouette joins the horizon. Given the theme here I'm assuming it is someone in my past. Probably someone... probably someone I killed. During my career I've done things I'm not proud of, but given the situation I don't think there's anything else I could have done. Still sucks though.

At this point though I'm not even sure I want to go back. What to do? What to do?

I'm beginning to feel bored. I'm almost looking forward to reminiscing the next horrible regrettable thing I've done. I rest my hands on my head. Where the hell is my dad?

"Whatcha thinking about?" He says as he cleans his glasses. He's a lot older now. He's wearing his Vietnam veteran hat his hair his gray with some white spots. This is almost how he looked when he passed away.

"What the hell happened to you?" I ask him.

"What do you mean?"

"You're old now."

"Yeah, we are moving along. The more you progress the more normal things will appear." He explained. "Jack, you aren't dead. The closer to life you get the normal things will appear as you. The more they were out there."

"Oh..."

"See, JD, you're not dead, but your window is closed for now." He says like I'm suppose to know what that means. "Window brings you back to your life, and a door will bring you to heaven."

"How do I know which one to go through?"

"Well, something will channel you. Pull you to one side. Right now we are peeking into your window, and them over there are looking in from heaven."

"Peeking into my window?"

"The light shining in your eyes, and the good ole Edison medicine shocking the shit out of you. That's from your window... the longer you stay the harder it is for you to leave."

I look forward as our surrounding change once again. I see Diane and myself sitting on the couch in her small apartment. My injuries are healed up, and I seem happy. I look into a nearby paper and see it's 1997.

"I really don't want to relive the next twenty years."

"Unfortunately it's not up to you, but if you keep an open mind I don't think we will. Given your hard headed ass we are maybe halfway through."

Halfway? I'm torn between excitement and utter fear. What's in store for me after this? After the torture.

Diane and I are talking. I'm not sure what about but I'm not worried. Diane was so strong and independent now. She got her own place and car. I encouraged her as much as I could. Riley and I were even getting along.

"I can't keep doing this." I say to my dad. I'm mentally exhausted. Every time I look at Diane and my old life I'm filled with regret. "I wanted to settle down with her. But a house together. Have a family with her. I was going to get out of the service... leave the cia. All that."

"What happened?"

"I had to finish my contract. I had another deployment coming up. Diane was just feeling getting her independence. We had been together for like three years but spent most of the time apart." I explained. "Back and forth to Somalia, Bosnia, and Haiti... I wanted to use the money from the promotion for something good."

I watch as my younger self checks the beeper and immediately leaves. I see a disappointed Diane sit on the couch lonely as the memory fades.

"Where'd you go?"

"Kosovo? I think. It was my first mission with the new team. We ran it with the water babies." I chuckled.

I felt the wind increase. The wind began whipping past us my jacket flapped open. My father's hat almost leaving his head. I shield my eyes fearing debris would get in them. Then just as quickly as it started the wind began to ease up.

I look down at my freshly shined boots. My BDUs are cleaned. The wind on the airstrip was just as brutal as I remember. We leave the plane and load on to a bus to bring us to the end of the runaway to be reunited with our families.

My heart is pounding. I can't wait to see her. I can't wait to tell her this is the last time I'll be gone. My last deployment. I still haven't figured out what I'll do about the CIA. But all that can wait. I haven't seen Diane in six months. I stare at the picture of her I've always held on to, and over the years it's taken a beating. I put her photo in my pocket and release I deep breath. I stand up.

"Hey hey listen up!" I shout as the men quiet their chatter. "Boys, listen up. While on leave you are to respect your town and country. No bar fights, and no challenging the police to fights. You will not beat your wife, or family. You will not drink and drive. You will keep your hands to yourself. Keep your pagers charged. Stay safe, and welcome home." I say as the men let out a thunderous hoorah. I stand next to the bus driver as the men get ready to leave the bus and return to there families.

"Thanks, LT." A few of the men say as they leave the bus. The camaraderie is going to be something I miss. I watch as our CIA handler clumsy comes up the bus isle. Such a nice young kid... who wouldve thought he would become such a snake. Kyle Lowry forever a snake.

"I'll catch you at the farm." He said as he struggled to carry his bags.

"Kyle, we just landed. Spend some time with your family but I'll be at the farm." I said adjusting his shoulder strap.

"Good, I heard you're getting out of the army. Making sure you aren't leaving the farm."

"I will be when the time is right but for now I'm a farm boy." I chuckle. "Now get off the damn bus." He awkwardly walked off the bus to the suits that were waiting for him. I make sure the bus is empty and grab my bag and eagerly jog off the bus.

"Jack!" Diane calls out as I drop my bag welcoming the hug. I feel my heart somersault in my chest. As it hits me that I'm really home. She smells good. She cries as she holds my face. I feel my eyes get glassy.

"I... missed you... so much..." I said in between kisses. I hug her so tight that I may crush her. We stand there hugging for minutes but it feels like peaceful hours. I gently kiss her forehead.

My girl. My babe.

"Let's get out of here." She said taking my hand. "I'm so happy your back."

"I'm back for good." I say putting my arm around her.

"I told Riley's teacher and the principal about today. We are all set." She said with a smile.

We planned to surprise little Riley. My duty schedule made my arrival home unpredictable. The time zones made it difficult for me to call home so I called Diane late and we relied on letters mostly. My heart was pounding.

We arrived at Riley's elementary school, and I began to feel incredibly nervous. I was anxious and on high alert. Diane gave my hand a squeeze as she tried to reassure that Riley would be excited to see me. I shove my headgear in my cargo pocket as the little kids in the hallway stare at me.

"Ah, Diane." A woman said leaving the main office coming out to shake hands.

"Jack, this is Ms. Keller, Riley's principal. Ms. Keller, this is Jack." She introduces as I shake the woman's hand.

"Welcome home." The woman said with glassy eyes.

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Let me double check where Riley's class is currently. Last I saw they were at the library for reading." The principal said as we followed her into her office. The woman looked at the screen of her giant computer. "They should be leaving in a minute or two. We will be able to beat them to the classroom." The woman said as we followed her out. Diane smiled wide with excitement.

Diane and the principal made small talk as we walked but I couldn't hear anything as my brain was having trouble adjusting to being back stateside. I came home in one piece. This deployment was rather laid back compared to some others. However I still could not get out of my own head. We enter the classroom and I couldn't help notice how small everything is. I believe Riley is about seven now going on eight. I search and find her desk.

I could hear little kid chitter chatter as the class must have grown close. I grew more nervous.

"Here they come." Diane squealed.

The room flooded with kids who all stopped and looked at their principal and then Diane and I confused. They slowly made way to there seats and then Little Riley came in she was at the back of the line. Her face lit up with excitement and confusion.

"Mommy! Jack?" She said confused and then I watched her eyes fill with tears as she ran towards me crying. "Jack?!" She yelled as she hugged my legs. I lifted her up and hugged her back as she cried into my shoulder. "You're home!"

"I'm home." I said quietly as I too began to cry.

"You loved that little kid, huh?" My father said from behind me. I immediately fall to all fours as I feel an overwhelming mental and physical drain.

"They were my family. They are my family. I will always love them." I say catching my breath struggling to get back to my feet.

"So, is that why this memory is significant?"

"God, I hope so." I began to feel a tremendous weight on my chest and sore all over.

"I see that you were anxious that day?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I just got home."

Before the conversation can continue I find myself in bed with Diane. I'm staring at the ceiling as her head rests on my chest. I keep her close.

"I'm so happy you're home." She says looking up at me.

"Me too." I say brushing her curly hair out of her face.

"Shoot..." She says quietly under her breath.

"What's wrong?"

"I forgot to cancel the appointment tomorrow with the realtor."

"Why would you cancel?" I ask confused.

"At the debriefing they told us to be slow incorporating home life until you got settled in. I don't want to overwhelm you."

"I'll be fine." I say with a smile.

It didn't take much for me to fall asleep despite my roaring anxiety. I had been up for maybe two straight days putting all the steps of my units departure together.

My father and I watch as Diane and I sleep. It's awkward. I'm unsure what we are waiting for but then it hits me. I knew this was too good to be true. As if on clock work I watch my sleepy body begin to stir.

"Are you having a nightmare?" My father asked as I shamefully nod.

I sit up and carefully walk to the large window. All while being sound asleep. I grumble as I post up at the window that let the moonlight in. I micmic like I'm holding an assault rifle ready to breach the window as if it was a door.

"Go for Delta 1..." I mumble as I stand like a zombie. My eyes are open by I am very much asleep. "I got eyes on the target. Standby."

Diane reaches out in her sleepy stretch and quickly wakes up realizing she was alone. She looks at me confused as I continue to mumble to myself. She throws a nearby shirt on as she leaves the bed. She turns on a dimly lit lamp and I remain mumbling.

"Jack? What are you doing?" She asked confused.

"Is she really going to try and wake you up?" My father yells concerned but I'm stuck in my sleepy body.

"Jack, is everything alright?" She asks scared as she touches my shoulder giving me a gentle shake.

To say I was startled would be the understatement of the century. My heart was pounding so hard I fear it could explode. I was confused and scared. My eyes shoot up as I reach out and grab Diane pulling her towards me as I fall back. Diane turned and tried to pull herself away and once I realized what was happening I let her go.

"Wha... what happened?" I say lookin around realizing that I'm home. I see that I'm home but my body thinks I'm in a battle as I feel ready to fight but I see how terrified Diane is in front of me. I rub my head as I scoot back away from her. "Oh my god, Di... I'm sorry..." I say breathless looking at the red marks on her arm.

"Are you alright?" Her eyes showing her confusion. I could tell she was unsure if she should be scared for me or if me. That scared me. It scared me because I did not know that answer.

"I'm... I'm okay." I say taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry." I repeat over and over as I give her a hug.

* * *

This was originally going to be two chapters but I thought it would've been too short. I've rewritten this chapter several times. I apologize if it seems too long or maybe is confusing. I wanted to make sure to include characters that will make an appearance again. I'm trying to keep this as historically accurate as I can(wink). What do you think? Please Review! How do you think Jack will adjust to home life? Next chapter will include an update on Jack's condition.


	13. Birthday Master

**Birthday Master**

* * *

 _I will not fail those with whom I serve._

* * *

"How much longer?" I ask the silence was going to make me insane. I rested my head in my hands.

Despite the utter exhaustion I felt, I could not sleep. I feel like I'm stuck in prison. It feels like the three years I've been here has been an eternity but in reality it has maybe been minutes.

I feel hopeless. I don't know what to do next. I don't know how to leave this. I need to get back if only for a short time. I need to explain myself. I need to tell them not to worry about me. Tell Mac that I don't blame him. I know what it's like to have that weight on your shoulders. I don't want that for Mac or Riley or even Bozer. I want them to be able to lead normalish lives. Be happy.

I hear voices but they're too warped to make out what they're saying. Sounds like peanuts. I struggle to lift my heavy head.

I feel someone hold my hand. It feels warm. Almost tingling warm, and soft.

My vision slowly focuses and I see my just about lifeless body laying in the hospital bed. Still wired for sound I have more tunes and IVs then I know what to do with. All of these gizmos keeping my shell alive.

Then, I see Diane. She lets go of my hand and slowly walks over to Riley who's awkwardly sleeping in a nearby recliner. Diane covers her with the blanket she was just using, and returns back to her seat. She gently holds my hand again. I feel the same sensation again but stronger.

She looks exhausted. Her eyes a reddened as if she's been crying. She's thinking. She opens her mouth to speak but no words come out. She looks away as her bottom lip quivers as a tear slips through. She takes a deep breath and grabs my hand squeezing it between her shaky hands.

"I..." She says but shakes her head. I try to squeeze her hand back.

I want to hug her. I want to tell her I'm fine. That everything will be okay but I can't. Words have escaped my brain, and I'm paralyzed in the moment.

"I want to tell you..." She says taking another deep breath. "That we have too much unfinished business... for you to go out like this, Jack." She cries. "I want to tell you, you better fight this with everything and get back to us." She says bringing my hand to her face.

Before I know any better I'm back with my father. But we're not at park and I'm not in the hospital. It's a white nothingness surrounding us.

"I want to go back. I gotta go back." I cry.

"You can't. Not now. You're window is closed."

"Where is it?! I'll break my window." I yell but my father's face soon turns into my own reflection as I struggle to tie my tie.

I casually walk to the kitchen. I can smell waffles. Diane is smiling as she prepares Riley breakfast and fixes me a cup of coffee.

"Happy Birthday, baby." Diane says smiling handing Riley a card. The big glitter nine on the front was a give away. It was 1999.

Civilian life was a constant adjustment. I did not leave he farm. The money was too good, and it was easy. It was essentially the same thing I did for the army just shorter.

"Happy birthday, kiddo." I say as she opens the card and twenty dollar bill spills in her lap.

"Wow, twenty dollars! Thanks!" She said with a big smile.

"Oh shoot. You're bus is here." Diane said panicked. Monday's here were real rough. Time management was not a strong suit of Diane's... or mine.

Diane gave Riley the waffles as I handed Riley her backpack. Riley excitedly ran to the bus. We waved to the bus as it drove away.

"One of these mornings I'll have it together." Diane chuckled playing with her curly hair as I drink my coffee.

"You say that every morning." I say spilling a little coffee on my light blue collared shirt.

"God don't like ugly." She chuckled at my expense. "Put it in the washer now. I just started a light load." She says as we walk back inside. I groan as I undo my tie.

I quickly find myself distracted by Diane. She was bent over picking up the trail of clothes left by Riley. I give her bottom a playful smack and let my hand linger.

"Jackson Wyatt Dalton, what do you think you're doing?" She says smiling at me as she tosses the clothes towards the washer. I smile at her as I grab her by the waist.

"Just enjoying my beautiful girlfriend." I flirt.

"I have a ton of errands to run." She says as I kiss her. "Don't you have a meeting?"

"A whole bunch." I say smiling. Diane smiles at me as she begins unbuttoning my shirt. "How about we just make out and see what happens?" I say pulling her close. She kisses me and backs me into the couch. She pulls my shirt over my head and sits on me.

"How about we just make out and see what happens?" She says mimicking my accent. "I have to go. I'm alright late." She says kissing me again. She puts the clothes in the hamper and blows me a kiss and leaves.

Once her car leaves I shoot up and grab a polo and leave. I had a big surprise planned for Riley and Diane.

I needed the help of an old army buddy. Riley had been talking nonstop about computers. She wanted one so bad and they were expensive. I tried to do research so I could get the best one. However this computer mumbo jumbo stuff sounded like a different language.

"Jackie boy!"

"Artie!" I yelled shaking hands with the one and only Sergeant First Class Moe Artemis.

"I got what you wanted here. It's got..."

"Artie, I trust you. Please my brain can't handle anymore gizmo talk. You know how this thing works. You can show her?"

"She's nine? She might be taking a computer class in school. I'm not sure how much I can show her."

"The kid is start. She will understand..."

"Gizmo talk?"

"Exactly."

"Let's load this shit. Diane is going to be home soon."

"So, you introduced her to computers?" My father asks.

"I did. I had no idea it was going to turn out the way it did." I defend. "She's a whiz kid. The second we put that thing up. She knew all about it. Take it apart put it together. Do upgrades. Do something in the twittersphere I still don't understand."

"How much did it cost?"

"I could've bought her a car." I answer rolling my eyes.

"There's a car pulling up." Artie says as I struggle to get the keyboard draw to fit in the overpriced desk. I quickly beat her to the door.

"Jack, what are you doing home?"

"I got a surprise for you inside. It's Riley's birthday present." I say blindfolding her. "Ready?"

"Yes, show me." Diane said confused. I uncovered her eyes and she remained stoic. She studied the computer desk and the computer very intently. "Jack... how much did this cost?"

"Don't worry. It was my pleasure." Artie says awkwardly smiling as he pushed up his glasses.

"Di, this is Artie. He's an old army buddy. Artie, this is Diane. The most beautiful woman in the world... and the love of my life." I say grimacing trying to protect myself from any and all impending doom.

"Smooth." Artie whispered.

"Don't worry about the cost. Do you think she will like it?" I say trying to ease her mind. We were not struggling financially at all. Diane looked at the computer once more and then at me. She hugged me. Quiet forcefully.

"I think she's going to love it." She said kissing my cheek.

"Yeah!" I cheered as I high fives Artie. "I told you I rock birthdays."

We did not have to wait long for Riley's school bus. I watched as Diane got Riley off the school bus. Riley still remained excited for her birthday. Her birthday party was going to be this weekend. Diane's folks couldn't make it before and Riley didn't want to have her party before her birthday.

"Miss Lewis says thank you for the cupcakes. The whole class sang to me and... what is that?" Riley says freezing as she sees the computer.

"It's a micrograms window 98?" I say unsure of my words.

"You got me a computer?!" Riley yelled excited.

"Yes?" I say unsure.

Riley began screaming in excitement as she ran over to it. She looked at the monitor, keyboard, and mouse. Her small brain overflowed with excitement and happiness.

"Thank you, thank you!" She yelled hugging Diane and I tackling us into a doggie pile.

"Riley, this is my friend Artie. He gets to work on computers all day. So he's an expert." I say introducing Artie.

"But, I can't." Diane cries into my shoulder like she did years ago. Her cries pull me from the memory bringing me back to the painful hospital room.

"The doctors... the doctors say you're very sick. That you're in constant pain, and they don't think you'll pull through. They don't know if you'll ever be the same. I know you're strong. I know you could fight this, but I don't want you too suffer. Thank you for helping us... helping me all those years ago. Thank you for bringing my baby back to me. I forgive you for leaving. I understand now why you had to do that." She kisses my hand and wipes the tears away from her eyes.

"It's okay." She whispers in my ear. "You don't have to fight. We will be okay."

No! No... no, no! I want to go back now!" I yell exploding to my feet. I look around for my father who's standing behind me. "Send me back, now!"

"I can't that's now..." He starts but a feel a fire inside me explode, as I shove my father to the ground.

"I have to go back. I have to at least tell her why I left."

"I can't, Jack." He says showing me his hands surrendering to my anger.

I fall to my knees and squeeze her hand with any and all strength that I have. I'm still here, Diane. I squeeze and squeeze

I watch her face jump as she lifts her hand a little off the bed. My grip is firm. She looks at our hands confused, horrified, and excited.

"Doctor! Nurse!" She yells her voice begins to fade as my vision gets cloudy. I try to fight against it, but everything looks choppy and the voices are unclear. A bright light blinds me as I turn to shield my eyes.

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Please Review! What do you think? This was just the beginning of an emotional rollercoaster the next few chapters are a doozy buckle up.


	14. Hindsight

**Hindsight**

* * *

 _I will not bring shame upon myself or the forces._

* * *

I shield my from the unrelenting sun. I turn over and Diane cuddling against my chest. Her skin is so warm and soft. Brush her bangs to the side and kiss her forehead. Her hair smells like flowers, sunshine, and happiness.

It's so quiet. We just lay here. Enjoying each others company. Moments like this were incredible. Moments like this made me forget about the raging monster that I am. The blood hungry longhorn delta operator that I missed so much were forgotten in moments like this. It made babysitting the nerds at the farm bearable.

"Happy anniversary." I whisper she smiles with a sleepy expression on her face.

"Happy anniversary," she replies resting her head on my chest looking up at me.

This was our sixth anniversary. Unfortunately due to my hectic work schedule this is the first one we will spend together. I had the whole day planned for us. Riley was going to spend the day with Diane's folks. I had big plans for us today...

I hear a deafening screeching sound as everything goes black. I look around and I'm surrounded by nothing.

"Hello?" I holler out, but I don't hear anything in response not even my own echo. I look down and my clothes are filthy. Dusty and stained. "Dad?" I call out again. Still silence.

I hear faint muffled gunfire but everything remains black. The gunfire and explosions grow louder but my feet feel cemented into the worn concrete floor. I hear another explosion and glass shatter. I feel the glass hit my face and body as the force of the explosion lifts me off the ground and out of my boots.

My body gets thrown across the unforgiving concrete floor. Once I come to rest I feel like I've been hit by every car at Daytona.

Everything goes black again. I gasp as I feel my life electrify me again. My eyes shoot open as back arched. I am surrounded by people.

Some I know. Some were friends that have died. Some I did not readily recognize but given the foreign uniforms. My good friend, John Bradley, standing in full battle dress with his hands on his hips.

Then there's this kid at my feet. My body is paralyzed but I'm staring at his brown eyes. The kid is scrawny. He looks to be about 17 or 18 years old. He does not stand out by any means... except for his Dallas cowboys jersey. Number 8. Troy Aikman, greatest quarter ever. Played from 1989 to 2000. Inducted into the hall of fame in 2006. I try to study his face but I can't make any of the features out.

I hear a wind up noise. It sounds incredibly familiar.

"Clear!" I heard a voice echo in my head. I feel the shock. It feels like being blasted in the chest with a shotgun just minus the after-burn.

"There you are. You don't have too many more of those." I hear my father say. My eyes shoot open and I see him standing above me cleaning his glasses.

I begin to hyperventilate as I look around and realize we are alone. I struggle to get to my feet as I use the bench to help pull myself up. As I sway on my feet I turn to face my father but everything changes.

It's nighttime. The stars, and moon are out. I'm dressed to the nines as I walk around my car to let my beautiful date out, and walk her into the restaurant she's wanted to go to since they built it a few months back.

"Two for Dalton." I say to the hostess holding Diane's hand tightly. My heart pounded in my chest. I imagined my hands were sweaty.

We walk to a beautiful table and I pull out her chair for her and sit across from her. Be cool, be cool. I repeatedly tell myself.

Tonight is the night that I am going to ask Diane to marry me. It is something long overdue I feel, but mainly my fault. We were already acting like we were married. We lived together. I treated, and love Riley as if she was my own.

I had an extravagant plan. I was going to cause a distraction and place the ring box on er plate before the food gets here. The closer it got to crunch time the colder my feet got.

"Jack, this place is perfect. His whole day has been perfect." She smiles, as she holds my hand.

"Only the best for you, babe."

"You treat me so good." She aid shimmering her shoulders mimicking a movie character we had just watched. I laugh. My sweaty hand twirled the velvet box underneath the table. "Despite, you're sweaty hands it really has been a great day." She teased as she rubbed circles on the back of my hand. The waiter came and filled our wine glasses with Diane's favorite wine. I made the request when I made the reservation. I wanted everything to be perfect for her.

"To six great years?" I say unsure to what we should toast to. My brain began to slowly shut down as the nerves began to say in.

"And to six more." She smiles chuckled. "To a great day. Along time in the making." She smiles.

She began to read the menu and it was a perfect opportunity to put the box on her plate but I couldn't do it. There were so many opportunities to do it, but I couldn't. I heart pumped in my chest so loudly that I had to use all my energy to focus on carrying a normal conversation.

Dessert came and went. That damn velvet box began burning a hole in my pocket as I settled the check. As we left the table I swiped the rose from the center piece and gave it to her along with my jacket.

As we walked to the car the internal arguement grew louder and louder and before I knew it. I stopped walking, and she was looking at me confused and concerned. A car driving by backfired causing me to jump a little.

"Are you alright, Jack?" She asked concerned. After my separation from the army I struggled a bit with combat stress and Diane was my champion.

"Thank you." I whisper to her as I take her hands.

"For what?" She asked touching my face.

"I know I've made this relationship hard. Between the army, and work, I'm sorry that we don't get to spend a lot of time together. And out of our six years this is the first time we get to spend it together. I love you, Diane. I love Riley. I want us to be a family. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I say with a smile as I feel myself swell with confidence. I slowly drop to my knee and pull the box out of my pocket. Her eyes widened. "Diane, will you..." I say opening the box but she covers it with her hand.

"Jack... I... I can't." She says looking at me heartbroken.

"What?" I say getting to my feet still holding the box.

"I can't, Jack."

"What? Why?" I say upset closing the box. "If you don't want to get marry? What has the last six years been then?"

"I'm married!" She yelled over my anger. "I'm still married to Riley's father."

"Wha... What? I thought y'all were separated?"

"No, I just left."

"Why aren't you divorced from him? Do... do you still love him?" I say shielding my battered ego.

"No! Absolutely not. Jack, I love you. If I file now... he could find us." Diane said vulnerable and afraid. "Jack, I love you so much. I can't imagine my life without you. I'm sorry but I can't marry you now, but I want to spend the rest of life with you." She said hugging me tight.

"She said no?!" My dad yelled surprised from behind me. The ego takes another hit! I look down at my dirty boots.

"She did." I say quietly.

"She chose him over you!" My father yelled upset but I shake my head.

"No, she didn't."

"She did, Jack."

"She chose Riley and me over herself." I defend. "I was not around until recently. What if she did file and that SOB came over and I couldn't defend them? I'd never be able to forgive myself and she knew that. I didn't understand it then, but I get it now... still sucks."

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Please Review! What do you think? So sneaky foreshadowing is sprinkled throughout this chapter. I hoped you enjoyed it.


	15. Boy Genius

CHAPTER 15: Boy Genius

With the help and guidance of my faith, I will conquer my fears and succeed.

These damn brainiac whiz kids from the farm are the dumbest geniuses I've ever met. They spend all that money on that fancy education and have little regard for their own lives and those who have to protect their sorry behinds. They are so shortsighted, and ambitious... and young and dumb.

Sofia Rivera, was a brilliant intelligence analysis. Lousy actress. She was suppose to be a cartel princess looking for drugs... why she'd contact the Russians in New York City? I don't know. I don't understand a lot of what they do. I was in charge of protecting her in real life and in this play.

Our cover blown. Now I was fighting for both of our lives. My trustee genius was attempting to locate so type of ledger. Initially the momentum was in our favor until my weapon jammed. Now this big Russian dude threw me around like a rag doll.

Drago threw me over the desk. Drago towered over me. This was a big scary guy.

"I'm going to kill you, and your friend." Drago says putting a foot on my chest bearing most of his weight.

"That's... not my... friend." I say trying to get his big foot off my chest.

"Dumb, american." He says kicking the side of my head. My ear begins ringing as I see spots. I see Drago make his way to Sofia.

Shit. This is bad. I need a weapon. I try to focus my vision on any one thing. Drago is going to break her like a twig. I see a fire box with an axe in it. I punch out the glass and grab the axe with my bloody hand.

I may have played middle school football but I was a varsity baseball player. Something Drago will quickly learn.

Drago lifts Sofia right out of her heels. She tries to claw at his hands. I step over an unconscious Russian and take a major league swing at Drago's exposed side. He drops Sofia and tries to pull the axe from his ribs. I yank it free and kick him over. Drago tries to crawl away. I spin the axe in my hand and swing it again burying the pick in his spine. So even if he doesn't die he's no longer a threat.

I hear Sofia begin to vomit. Before I can tell her to get her shit together I hear people yelling in Russian in the distance. I yank the axe free again and use it to jam the doors. This is not good.

"Did you call for exfil?" I ask pulling her up to stand. She just looks at me horrified. I take her comms as I lost mine in the fight.

"This is Longhorn. Requesting immediate exfil." I say feeling blood drip down my neck from my ear.

"Good copy, Longhorn. Your quick reaction is outside." I hear our tact commander reply. I grab Sofia's arm and run to the window. Sure enough a sketchy taxi pulled right up on the curb. The only problem is it's about a ten to twelve foot drop.

"Jump." I say as I open the window. I help her climb out and she freezes.

The Russians are trying to kick the door down and the axe is ready to give way and she freezes. This genius can not figure out how much danger we are truly in. Anyone of these Russians in the room could wake up and the fight would be back on. Or when these guys see what I did to Drago we won't make it out of this room alive. This is when Sofia freezes?! Are you kidding me? The whole time I was getting my ass kicked she searched for intel but this drop has her shaken.

"Jack..." she cried with glassy eyes.

"Jump, or I'm going to push you." I say nonchalantly looking directly in her frightened eyes. I could always apologize later to her if she apologizes for blowing our cover... and if we survive.

Sofia jumps and crunches on the ground as she cries. My adrenaline made the landing more bearable. I can't say the same for Sofia who promptly broke her ankle. I push her into the back the taxi pushing her head down.

"You good?" The operator asked. The lack of urgency made me incredibly worried. This is our future.

"Drive!" I yell grabbing a weapon.

"The op is a bust. We are going to the airstrip." The driver said as we blended into NYC traffic.

I touch my bloody ear with my bloody hand. What the hell was I going to tell Diane?

We pulled into a sketchy alleyway and hopped into black SUV. The driver torched our pseudo taxi as we took off for the airstrip.

We arrived at the airplane hangar that he had actually commandeered for CIA operations. I grab and carry poor Sofia inside.

"What the hell happened?!" The operations command, John Booker, yells. I pass Sofia off to the medics.

"Your Intel was bad, and our cover was blown. This is on you." I pull my bloody hand away from the medic. If this guy wants a fight I'll make him eat his teeth.

"Dalton!" My tactical commander yells quickly get in between us.

"You do realize this was a covert op, right? Your actions have the whole city on high alert! You triggered the fire alarm!" He yells, and I laugh. "Peter, take him home. I'm not going to deal with him."

"I ain't going nowhere." I say enraged trying to get my hands on this nerdy idiot.

"Jack, come on. We have the helicopter waiting for you." Peter tells me. Now I'm just confused and angry.

"Why?" I still want o get my hands on someone.

"It's Diane." He says, and suddenly I see in my blind rage.

"What did you just say?" I say through my gritted teeth.

"It's Diane. You have to go home."

"What's wrong?" I say pushing Peter back.

"I don't know. All we know is she was brought in by ambulance, and is now in emergency surgery. Her mother just called." Peter said with his hands raised in surrender.

"Wha..." I say as my voice cracks as I feel my world crashing down on. "Where's Riley?" I say beginning to panic.

"She's with Diane's Ma. Let get you cleaned up so we can get you to the hospital." Peter said patting my chest. I nod.

"How does reliving the worse moments of my life? Help me understand, please!" I cry out to my dad. I feel tears stream down my cheeks and my heart feels like it's going to explode.

"What happened?" He asks trying to console but I push his arms away. Then, as if I need another painful reminder. I remember I never told my dad about this, or the failed proposal.

"How is this suppose to help me? There's no peace in this." I say beginning to hiccup as I fight my emotions.

"You have to pay attention."

"I know. I've done awful things. I know I'll bring secrets to my grave. I know I have to answer for every life I took. I have no regrets. But can I at least know if this torture is worth it?"

"If you have no regrets, why are you so upset?" My father says as I drop to my knees, and hang my head.

"I regret how I treated her. I was selfish. I lied because I thought I was protecting her, but I wasn't. I was protecting myself because I knew she deserved better." I cried.

I look up and I'm practically running into the hospital. It had been about forty five minutes since I found out Diane was in the hospital. The farm had got me across the country in record time. My ear had scabbed over and my hand wrapped in gauze. The lie is tell this time is that I got hurt in a forklifting accident.

I search the hospital and find everyone in a waiting room upstairs. Riley sat with her grandparents.

"Jack!" Riley yelled running towards me. "What happened to your ear?"

"Crashed a forklift." I say trying to hide my worried face.

"Riley, sit with grandpa so I can talk with Jack." Claire says touching Riley's shoulder.

"I'll be right there, kiddo." I reassure her. Riley smiled and walked towards her grandfather. The teenage years are fast approaching this sweet ten year is going to be a teenage girl soon.

"Follow me." Claire says leading me to a more secure corner of the waiting room.

"Claire, what happened?" I ask worried.

"Diane is in surgery."

"Why, What happened?"

"Diane, Riley, and I went out today. We went to a restaurant. Diane said she didn't feel well and we go to leave and she passed out in the parking lot."

"Oh my god." I says rubbing my hands on my face.

"Oh, wait... here's her doctor." Claire said shaking his hand. "This is, Jack, Diane's boyfriend." The ego takes another hit. The older you get the more cringe the word has to it.

"Sorry to meet under things circumstances. Please follow me so we have a more private area to talk." The doctor says as we follow him into a room nearby. "Please sit."

"Doc, What's going on? Why did she need surgery?" I say trying not to panic.

"Has Diane been sick at all recently?"

"Not that I can recall, but I've been out of town the last few days." I say as my hands begin to shake.

"The reason I ask is because Diane was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy. It ruptured that's why she fainted when you were out." The doctor says and my brain melts when I hear pregnancy.

"A... a... a Wha... What?" I stutter as I'm unsure what I heard.

"An ectopic pregnancy happens when a fertilized egg implants somewhere outside of the uterus, usually in a fallopian tube. It can be life-threatening and requires immediate attention, if it ruptures which unfortunately happened with Diane. Her Fallopian tube ruptured, which caused major internal bleeding. Unfortunately the fetus can't survive in an ectopic pregnancy..." The doctor explains but I soon don't understand what he's saying. My brain is flooded with thoughts, and I fight nervous vomit.

"Is she okay?" I ask.

"She is. Once she is moved to a room I'll have her nurse come and get you."

I remain shellshocked as Claire and the doctor thought. Diane was pregnant. I don't know what had me more shaken that she was pregnant, or that she's lost the baby, and I was relieved that she was okay.

"Jack, are you alright?" Claire asked as she held my hand. I release a deep breath and nod. I pull my hand away as I feel myself beginning to panic.

"It's... it's late. Is it okay if Riley stays with y'all? I'm going to stay with Diane."

"Absolutely." Claire said softly.

"Wha... what do I say to her?" I ask panicky as I wipe my tears away.

"You just love her, be there for her, and be honest." Claire said putting her hands on my shoulders. I looked up and nodded as I composed myself. I didn't want to scare little Riley.

Claire pats my back as we returned to the waiting room. Luckily Riley looked to be half asleep snuggled up with Dwayne as he read the newspaper.

"Riley," I say gingerly as I kneel in front of her.

"How's my mom?"

"She's alright. The doctors patched her up real good. Tonight, you're going to stay with grandma and grandpa, okay?"

"But I wanna stay!" She said fully awake.

"Riley, I need you to be nice and rested for when Mom comes home we can take care of her. You come down tomorrow though, right?" I say trying to reassure her. She nodded. "Be good for your grandparents, okay?"

"I will." She says yawning. I give her a tight hug and kiss the top of her head.

"Call us if you need anything, okay? We will be back tomorrow." Claire says giving me a hug. I shake hands with Dwayne and grimace as I forget about the cuts on it.

"Sorry about that."

"No, it's my fault. Tried to help the boys in the warehouse, and lost a fight with a forklift. I'll stick with office stuff." I lie.

They leave, and I am stuck with my thoughts. I pace around the waiting room. Soon I'm following a nurse to her room.

"Sir, she's still a little out of it from the medicine. She's in here." The nurse says pointing to her room.

"Jack..." She says in a sleepy cry. I go to her side and hold her hand tightly. I kiss her forehead.

"How you feeling?"

"I'm sorry..." she cried I try to console her, but I feel myself beginning to cry.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."

"I was going to tell you when you got back. I just found out... I'm sorry." She cried I do my best for her. I climb into bed and hold her.

"Why didnt you say anything?" My father asked as I fin myself back at the tortuous park.

"It wasn't something we talked about. We didn't even tell Riley." I say wiping my eyes. When I looked up I was back in the my hospital room.

It was still nighttime. Riley and Diane were there still but had moved positions. I see a doctor come in but I haven't seen him here before. He scoffs and covers his mouth as he reads my chart. I walk closer to him and study his face. He looks familiar.

"Jones! Doc Jones is that really you?!" I exclaim as I reach out and try to hug him but I go right through him.

He puts my chart back and takes a deep breath. He's put on some weight and his usual tight curled black hair had grown and mostly gray and white now.

"Where's baby boy? I know he was with you." Jones asks walking up to my unconscious body. I laugh loudly at Mac's old nickname. "You get better, okay." He says reluctantly kissing my forehead.

This is an old Delt tradition. This causes my already unstable nerves to catch fire as I remember doing this on my friends I did not get back. Jones takes a deep breath and leaves grabbing a suitcase I didn't see before.

I follow Jones unsure what step would be my last and I'd have to listen to a drawn out explanation of life by my father. I follow Jones all the way to Mac's room.

Mac is laying in his bed sitting upright looking out the window. He's thinking. There's a tray of food in front of him that looks to be untouched. Bozer is with him watching tv struggling to stay awake.

"Baby boy." Jones teases as he knocks on the door frame.

"Jones." Mac says with a smile. Bozer sits upright in the chair. "Boze, this is Sergeant Major Jones. We served together... kind of. Jones, this is Wilt Bozer." Mac introduces. Jones shakes his hand. "Do you work here?" Mac asked referring to Jones' scrubs.

"Not at all. It was the only way to get this to you." Jones said sitting down showing him the suitcase. He opened the suitcase and inside was an old small ammo box for my once beloved M60. On the side was a stencil Texas Longhorn. It was my burn bag. Even though these were typically boxes they were called burn bags.

This box carried tidbits of my military career. All my secrets. All my goodbyes, and all my wishes to the people I leave behind.

"When I heard about you and Dalton, I figured you might need this. He's always had a soft spot for you kid, I know he'd want you to have it. God forbid you need it," Jones said putting the ammo box on Mac's food tray.


	16. Patriot

**Patriot**

* * *

 _I will maintain my arms and equipment in an immaculate state befitting a Special Forces Soldier._

* * *

"Some folks inherit star spangled eyes... Ooh, they send you down to war, Lord... And when you ask them, How much should we give?" I sang loudly as I shave. I love my little clock radio. "Ooh, they only answer More! more! more!" I wash the remainder of the shaving cream off humming loudly to myself. I threw my dirty towel in the hamper as I returned to our bedroom. I heard a familiar but faint beep. I couldn't ignore it, as much as I wanted too. I looked under our bed, and then I remember my old army duffle is hidden in the corner of the closet.

Not hidden to hide it but keep it out of the way. It was something I thought was going to stay put until we moved or until it was worthy of conversation. That beep, though. If it is what I think it is I only have a few minutes to answer it. So there I was in my boxers tearing apart our walk in closet. I grabbed my duffle and dumped on the pile of clothes of the mess I just made. I find my old pager, beeper, whatever the hell it is. I see a number scrolling pass on it. Someone probably hit the wrong the button. If I was activated from the inactive ready reserve I would expect a phone a call or a visit from someone.

I stare at this damn thing. I remember how many family vacations, it ruined. How many date nights, it ruined. How many school functions I missed. How much I missed because of this thing. I grab my old BDU top and study it. I run my fingers over my name tag. As much as I hated it I missed it with matching intensity.

I hear glass break. Not just break but shatter.

"Is everything alright?" I yell out as I stand up walking over the mess I made waiting for Diane to answer me. "Di?!" I yell again as I put my pants. I mumble under my breath as I wander out to the living room. Diane was standing in the middle kitchen surrounded by broken glass. "Diane?" I ask she turns looking at me with tears in her eyes as points at the tv.

The breaking news banner scrolled on the top and bottom. As we watched a plane crash into the World Trade Center on loop. My heart began pounding. What the hell was this? What the hell is happening?

"I know this is going to sound selfish..." I say clearing my throat as I look at my father. "But our life just got back to almost normal. Then this." I say watching my younger self panic.

"I get it." He said standing next to me.

"I had spent all these years in boots chasing imaginary enemies, or playing CIA foot soldier, and now we had a real threat. Obviously we didn't know a whole lot right away, but I just remember feeling scared and excited at the same time."

"Scared to go back?" He asked confused.

"Excited to go back... scared to tell Diane." I say shrugging my shoulders as we returned to the park. "I remember I picked up Riley from school and then I remember going to the CIA and it was utter chaos. Just a shit show."

"So what'd you do?" He asks crossing his arms looking st me.

"I called that damn number. It was Foley. He wanted to meet with us and figured we still had our pagers." I explain.

We met the town park that served as a halfway point for the three of us. It was empty and given the circumstances it wasn't alarming. I got there at the same time as Doc Jones, and Foley was already waiting for us. We sat a picnic table in silence.

"How's civvy life treating you boys?" Foley asked smiling.

"It's fine." I answer quickly.

"You marry that girl yet?" He asks.

"Not yet." I chuckle.

"How about you? You look like you haven't missed a meal."

"PT sucks. I stopped the second I got my DD-214." Doc Jones said patting his growing beer belly.

"Well, fellas, I'm sure you've seen the news. That's why I called you." He said taking a deep breathing.

"Unfortunately gentleman, you still belong to the government. Jack that battlefield commission made you forever army property..."

"Are we going to get activated?" I asked worried.

"Probably. You can roll the dice and wait and see where they put you, or reenlist now and probably have a say. The nation is going to get ready for war." He warned. I rubbed my face and sighed.

"Diane is going to kill me." I say running my hands through my hair.

"I understand that your circumstances have probably changed, that's why I wanted to talk to you. War waits for no one." His warning made my heart sink.

"So, What do we do?" I ask.

"They will call you back. Given your training, the MOS, and you both are kick ass operators..."

"Hoorah!" Jones and I both interrupted.

"It's not a matter of if but rather when." He said straightforward.

"Oh man," Jones said scratching his chin.

"To quote the greatest TL I've ever served with..." Foley said taking a deep breath. The mere reference to Bradley made my heart somersault. "We do what others can't. We do what others won't. To keep those who don't know safe." Foley said and as he spoke I could hear Bradley's voice in my head.

"I was a good soldier." I tell my father.

"You are a good soldier. You protected your team. That's how you ended up here." He tells me. I chuckle because I figured it was something along those lines but I could still not remember what happened.

"Okay. I get it... I was a good man. I've done terrible things but I had good reasons." I defend.

"Jackson, you need to believe your words. You carry around such guilt. Do you ever stop and think about the lives you've saved?" He says and every time I think I understand what I need to do to leave I'm left clueless.

I return home and find Riley playing on the computer. The house is dark. The majority of the lights out and Riley was obviously as she played some game.

"Riley, where's your mama?" I says kissing the top of Riley's head.

"She's in your room." Riley said not looking away from the computer screen.

I take a deep breath as I walked back to our bedroom. I've been gone for must of the day. I'm sure she's going to be upset that I've been gone all day.

"Diane?" I say not seeing her on our bed but I see the light on in our closet. "Diane..." I say seeing her sitting on the floor going through my army stuff.

"Jack, what is all this stuff doing out?" She asks looking up at me with reddened eyes.

"I... Uh..."

"Jack, please. The news is going wild. All your army stuff is out, and you've been gone all day. Please. What's going on?" I joined her on the floor.

"There's something called the inactive ready reserve. It means that even after I separate from the army the president can call me, and a bunch of others, to come back to serve in events of emergencies and war." I watch her shoulders fall.

"I... I just got you back." She cried as I felt my own tears threatening to spill. "I just got you back, and you wanna go back?" She said disappointed as she wiped her eyes.

"It's not whether I want to go back or not. It's inevitable. If I re-up now I can probably stay local. If I wait until I'm called it won't be as easy."

"You almost died last time! Your nightmares! You've served enough." She said reminding me of the struggles that I went through and put her through. I reached out holding her hand. "What if they don't call you?"

"They will." I grimaced. "This is something I have to do." She looked up at me and pulled her hand away.

"It sounds like you've made up your mind."

"Diane, I am a soldier. This is what I do. I can't stand idly by after someone attacks us."

"What about us, Jack?! Am I suppose to wait for you. Hoping that I try a letter or a phone call and the The death brigade doesn't come to my door telling me you've died. Or have a panic attack everytime they mention anything about the war." She said standing up.

"That's why I am telling you, because I don't know what to do." I said on my knees in front of her. Tears flowing down her cheeks. It broke my heart to see her so upset.

"Jack..."

"I am torn. I feel the incredible call to arms, but you and Riley are my family. I don't want to do anything without your blessing or support." I explain as I feel my own tears begin to unleash. "I love you more than anything in this world. I am sorry that I am asking you to do this... again."

The phone rings and I feel my stomach hit the floor. I stood up and hugged her tight. The phone could wait.

"I did things to keep my family safe. It may not have been the right thing or the right way, but it worked... I didn't lose a single member of my team this time around. I worked my ass off and I lost parts of myself and my family in the process, but no one died." I shrugged my shoulders through my tears.

"Thank you. You're getting it." My father said patting my back.

* * *

Soon! Will Jack see the light or return to life? What do you think? Please Review!


	17. Decisions

**Decisions**

 **A/N: Warning some racial language and cussing in this chapter. I would figure that being in an interracial relationship would introduce some hardships when dealing with ignorant people. That is this.**

* * *

 _I will never leave a fallen comrade._

* * *

"Did you do your homework, kid?" I asked as I came home from another day of training.

Fort Irwin was currently my home. It was about an hour commute, it made for a long day, but we didn't have to move again. I was in fact activated, as well as Doc Jones. We did a three month tour in the following October. We were then in charge of training the next batch of operators as they came through. Special Forces were changing from the group up. I was the head of training cadre for two years. So far it was a cushy gig but I got deployments orders about a week ago. My orders were six to nine months but subject to change.

Riley was older now. Just beginning to tackle her teenage years. The news of my upcoming deployment upset her the most. She had so many questions on what did for the army. How a soldier could also be a traveling tile salesman? And most importantly why we were at war? I have little answers for her. There were things she would not understand. Things I could not explain.

"Yes." She said shortly as she continued doing something at the computer.

"Riley, that's enough computer time. Get ready for bed." Diane said. Riley groaned as she dramatically left the computer. I let a sigh out as I took off my boots.

"How was your day?" I ask Diane as she finished washing the dishes.

"It was fine." She said as I gave her a hug. "You know, Riley doesn't mean it. She's just upset you're leaving."

"I know. It's alright. Why don't you sit down on the couch and let me pour you a glass of wine?" I said turning her around and cradled her face. I was exhausted, but I knew she had been running on fumes since I told her I was leaving. She smiled at me.

"You should rub my feet to?" She smiles as she threw the dish rag aside.

"Let me change out of my uniform." I smiled back at her. I gave her bottom a smack as she walked by.

I had to get something from our room. I had been busy making sure everything was squared away before I was deployed. I updated my will. I straightened out all of our finances and any debt I could think of.

Diane walked into Riley's room. Riley laid on her bed watching some tv.

"Be easy on, Jack, sweetheart. He feels bad enough." Diane reasoned with Riley as she turned off the tv.

"Okay." She said rolling away from her mother.

"Get some rest. We are going to the carnival tomorrow."

"It's not a carnival. It's the county fair." Riley teased.

"Whatever it's called... Jack's been talking about the truck pulls and derby all week. Good night," Diane laughed tucking Riley in and giving her a kiss on forehead.

I pour a glass of wine as I watch sports center. I changed out of my uniform and put on a pair of jeans and an old hoodie.

"Riley's in bed?" I ask as I opened a beer for myself.

"Yeah." She says as I follow her to the couch. I hand her her wine as she puts her legs on my lap. I pull off her socks.

"I gotta talk to you about something." I say with a shaky voice.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I chuckle. "I went to the army office today and updated all my paperwork."

"Jack, stop. When you talk like that? It makes me think that you're ready to die. I can't think like that."

"I just want to make sure if anything happens to me that you and Riley are taking care of, just in case anything happens to me. This house is bought and paid for and it's I've signed it over to you. I made you the beneficiary for my life insurance." I say and her face falls.

"Why didn't you tell me you were doing that?"

"I didn't want you to try and stop me." I say continuing to massage her feet as she finished her wine. "Let me get you another."

"Another? What's going on?" She followed me into the kitchen. I rubbed my face and turned and looked at her.

"I know before you weren't ready," I explain as I hand her the velvet box that burned a hole in pocket and hands three years earlier. "There's ways to do it without notifying him. There's ways. I won't do anything without your blessing. I know you want to keep Riley safe, as do I. My friends are going to come by while I'm gone to help you if you need anything and make sure nothing happens. I don't need an answer now... I just want you to know that I'm serious about you and Riley. We've been together for almost ten years. I love you so much." I ramble on taking a deep breath, then immediately yawning. "I'm going to bed. Don't stay up too late." I say kissing her cheek.

"She still didn't want to marry you?" My dad chuckled.

"No, I think she did. I pleaded my case pretty well." I said as I become to feel a strange sensation in my chest. It felt like wet fire. It felt like heartburn that started hours ago. It didn't hurt as much as it was uncomfortable.

"So then what happened?"

"I'm not good at most things." I cringe as I look at my dad. I remember going to the county fair. It was not good. "I messed up." I said honestly hoping it would help my purgatory situation.

The county fair smelt like cow dung, cheap beer, and gasoline. It reminded me of home. I loved the county fair. California has its own spin on it but it was still fun. Riley and Diane had fun.

"Oh Mom, can I sit next to Katie?" Riley asked. I immediately cringe as Diane elbows me.

"Sure," Diane says smiling.

"Jack, can you get me a fried dough? Please!" Riley whined.

"Fried dough sounds great." Diane said smiling at me.

"Okay, okay. Two fried doughs coming up. Make sure y'all get good seats. I love the derby." I said pointing to the stands as they began filling up.

Our relationship was in a fragile state. However this day was the beginning of the end, and it was my fault.

I returned to no seat. Diane and Katie's Mom were talking. The crowd that formed to watch the derby was a mix of families and rowdy drunks.

"Here, Ry." I hand Riley her fried dough, and I take a piece of Diane's.

As I go to tear another piece off a drunk stumbles into me causing the powdered sugar to get over both of us. The sugar got into my eyes. I wasn't even going to confront the drunk, I just wanted to watch the derby.

"Shoot, babe, take this." I said handing it to her as I wiped my eyes.

Then everything changed. That dumb drunk pushed me forward into Riley. I chuckle as I take a step back. I size up the overweight sloppy drunk.

"Watch where you're going!" He slurs pushes me again. This time I don't move. I stand my ground.

"Are you serious?" I ask him staring directly into the drunk's soul.

"Jack, come on." I feel Diane tug on my arm.

"Listen to your little nigga." He said and I felt my brain turn off.

Yes. I am a southern white guy dating a black woman. I don't know why other people find that so unique. She is so much more than just that. We've dealt with idiots before but for some reason this time I couldn't let it go. I wouldn't let it go.

"What'd you just say?" I asked perplexed.

"Jack, he's not worth it. Let's just watch the derby." Diane says taking my hand I balled into a fist. I tried to follow Diane to the seat. I did.

"That's right. Listen to..." the drunk says again and I turned and punched him right in his mouth. I wasn't going to let him say it again. Not in front of Riley. I understand what I did was wrong, but so was he. He deserved the broken teeth I gave him.

One of the drunk friend's grabbed my arm. I defend myself and put the poor SOB in a wrist lock, breaking his poor hand as I kicked him onto his friend.

Next, I felt strong arms around my waist. I slip there grip elbowing the shmuck in the nose. I pin his arm behind his back and kick his legs out from underneath him. I pin the man on the ground. That's when reality set in and I realized that the man I was pinning down was a police officer. I slowly let go of him and raised my hands in surrender as more officers came rushing over.

"Glad to know your skills weren't effected while you were inactive." My father chuckles as I rub my face ashamed.

"You know what they say about idle hands." I say shaking my head.

"That looks good for a demotion, pay hold... am I missing anything?" My dad asked.

"Army made me pay their medical bills, and made me take an anger management class... that wasn't even the worst part." I tell him.

I find myself inside a jail. Not the first time and certainly not the last. I pick at the small cuts on my knuckles. I should've known better then to punch him in the teeth. My hand is a little sore.

"He's right this way, ma'am." I hear the deputy say. I go to the front of the cell and see Diane walking with the deputy. She looks pissed. The deputy opens the cell and I follow her.

Diane doesn't speak to me. She doesn't need to. I know she's mad. Mad at me. I follow her to the car but now my guilt was eating me alive.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly as I follow her to the car.

"I will not have violence like that in mine or Riley's life." She says turning to look at me.

"Those guys..." I try to defend.

"You just put two men in the hospital, and almost a cop. I just had to pick you up from jail. I don't care who started it." She yelled frustrated at me.

"I'm sorry." I said again.

"This is the only time I will ever pick you up from jail. Don't ever do anything like that again, please!" She yelled I could see her hands shaking.

"I'm sorry." I hugged her.

The once strange heartburn turned into crushing chest pain with no warning. I fell to my knees clutching my chest.

"What... is happening?" I panicked asking my father. My heart felt like it was going to explode.

"Your time is running out." My father said putting his arm under mine helping me get to the bench.

"Wha..." I struggle to speak as the pain becomes overwhelming.

"Jack, there's nothing more I can do. Now we wait." He says as I groan in pain.

"Wait for what?!" I yell.

"Your door will be here soon." He says trying to console me.

"I don't want to die, dad. I want to go back. I have to go back." I groan.

I look up and see the hospital room. It looks like the sun is raising and I can see Mac struggling to get the wheelchair into my hospital room. Diane slept in the chair next to my bed, and Riley was gone. Mac was able to get the oversized wheelchair in the room and wheeled himself right up to my bedside.

"I'm sorry. I should've listened to you. I'm sorry. I just keep thinking if I'd stuck to the plan that maybe you wouldn't be laying right here... I'm sorry..." Mac cried. Diane went to Mac's side giving him a hug.

"Don't beat yourself up. He's strong. He will fight." Diane consoled him.

"I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't make it..."

"Don't think about that." She says hugging him.

My father grabs me forcing me to stand. I'm too weak to fight against him. He pulls me from the hospital room back into the park.

"I wanna go back." I cry as he practically drags me back to the bench.

"You will, but I have to tell you it will be hard. Jack, you're very hurt. You could still wind up back here." My father say laying me down. I quickly feel like drowning and I can taste my own blood in my mouth.

"Dad, I can't... breathe..." I say fighting to stay awake.

I watch the walls transform into the walls of an airport. It's hard to pay attention. Each breath is harder then the last. I find myself gasping as the pain has me seeing spots.

"Pay attention." My father says pointing as Diane waiting anxiously with her sister Helen. I remember it being very late. I think my flight came in at two or three in the morning. "Talk to me about this."

"I got... I got extended." I cry out. I was trying to cooperate and distract myself from the pain but death is beginning to seem like a blessing in disguise. "I was gone for... fourteen... fourteen months... ten of spades... I can't do this!" I panic.

"You're doing great." He said resting my head in his lap. "Take a couple breaths."

I close my eyes and take a couple breaths and when I open my eyes I find myself looking at a terminal map. All I want to do is see Diane and I can't navigate through the damn airport. I haven't slept in days. Between excitement of coming home and the terrors of war sleep was difficult.

I finally find my way and walk quickly. My rucksack feeling weightless as I clutched my green beret in my other hand.

"Jack!" She yelled I feel myself melt inside. I drop my rucksack and catch her. I hug her tight. We cry in each other's arms. You never truly realize how much you miss someone until you see them again.

"I missed you... so much..." I cry into her shoulder. She smelt so good. Her skin was so soft. I felt complete. She kisses my face as if I'm not real.

"Welcome home." She says hugging me tight.

"I love you." I kiss her forehead.

My girl. My babe.

Helen drives us home and I can hardly keep my hands to myself. She is so Gorgeous. Everytime I look at her I feel myself falling more and more in love with her. I know she was upset about my activation and my deployment but she seemed happy to have me back. We spent so much time apart and did not exactly leave on the best terms but everything seemed possible now.

"I'll drop Riley off tomorrow." Helen says as we pull up to our place. The women continue to make small talk.

"Sorry, Helen. You can have her back tomorrow." I said throwing Diane over my shoulder. Diane laughs surprised.

"I'll call you tomorrow." Diane chuckled.

I carry Diane to our bedroom. The house had changed little since I was last here, but it still felt like home. The pictures on the wall were updated. I place Diane on the bed and kiss her.

"Welcome home, babe." She says gently caressing my face.

"It's good to be home." I say softly smiling at her before kissing her again.

Diane was always a breath of life. The light at the end of the tunnel. A fucking ray of sunshine. I felt like I could be vulnerable with her without being a sissy. She made me feel so normal in my life of chaos. Being with her made me want to be a better person and did wonders for my soul. And... she was really beautiful. I think as I continue to kiss her again.

Afterward making up for lost time I quickly fall asleep as my exhausted finally caught up with me.

"Jack..." I hear her softly whisper in my ear. She repeats this several times before I wake up. I open my eyes and find myself on the floor with my back to the bed. I look around confused as Diane rubs my chest. "You alright? I think you were having a nightmare." She says kissing the side of my head. I hold her hand as I remember I'm home now.

"Did I fall outta bed?" I ask looking around. I'm not sure why I'd get out of the bed knowing I have not slept in a bed in months.

"I'm not sure. Are you alright?" She asked and I smile at her as I climb back into bed. I put my arm around her and keep her close.

"I'm alright." I say kissing her forehead.

"How is it over there?" She asked reluctantly. After all these tours, and deployments, she never really asked about my deployments. I knew she religiously watched the news, and read anything there was available about the current conflict.

"War sucks. This one is different."

"How so?" She asked looking up at me as I stared at the ceiling.

"The enemy has always been clear... even in Somalia. This is not like that. I see no end to this war." I said feeling strangely honest with her. She released a deep sigh before squeezing me a little.

"When do you go back?" She asked.

"I'm not sure... probably within the year. They're still trying to figure out a functional deployment schedule for us... I don't wanna talk about that. I'm just glad to be home."

"Me too."

* * *

This was originally two chapters but I felt they went better together. Let me know what you what you think. Jack is on his way. What do you think?


	18. Work Song

**Work Song**

* * *

 _I will never surrender though I am the last._

* * *

I struggle to clear my throat. I feel like I'm drowning. Everytime I move I'm overcome with pain. It was a struggle to just continue to breathe and keep my eyes open. I want to fight. I want to get back. But each moment that passes I grow more and more tired. I want to fight but I don't know if incan.

"Don't give up." My father whispers as I choke. He turns me to my side.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I open my eyes. I'm home. Our home.

As my vision focuses I see that I'm dragging a young man. A teenager? Some punk teenage boy. I hear Riley yelling but i ignore her as I throw the kid out.

"What year is it?" My father asks.

"2006... it wasn't too long... after this..." I struggle to speak.

"What wasnt too long?"

"I left..." I cry out in pain.

I could not imagine how my father let my sister go out on dates. Riley was sixteen. Just turned sixteen. Just got her learners permit. She was driving? She was growing up too quick. Taking the world by storm. She had a lot of guy friends which scared the hell out of me.

"Jack?! What is your problem?!" Riley yells as the teenage boy runs off.

"My problem? Why is there a boy in your room?" I say to her furious. I remember being a teenage boy.

"I talked to my mom. She said it was fine."

"Did she know you were going to be in there in your room with the door closed? Home alone?" My words coming out jumble as my brain was going too fast. Riley just groaned loudly as she ran back to her room.

I went to follow her but I could hear Diane's car coming. The damn thing was in its last leg and Diane was determined to run it into the ground. I could not help but cringe as she pulled in.

"What's going on?" Diane asked. I apparently was not able to hide me being upset. "What's wrong?"

"Did you know Riley was going to have some boy over?" I ask still upset.

"Yeah, Tyler. I thought you had training today."

"It got scrubbed... I came home and Riley has some boy in her room."

"I got stuck in traffic. I was going to be here."

"If she wants to have some boy in her room with the door close... I'll... I'll take the door off the hinges..." I threaten. Diane smiles at me.

"Look you got yourself all worked." She held my shaky hands. "I'll talk to Riley. Can you look at my car?"

"You know you need a new one, right?" I say shaking my head looking at my shaky hands in hers.

"I do. Where's Tyler?"

"He left."

"Jackson Dalton, did you chase that poor boy out of here?"

"Listen, I know what's going on in a teenage boy brain and we don't want any of that near Riley." I say cringing again.

I heard footsteps approaching. I turn and see a man standing at the end of the driveway. About ten feet away from us. The man looks familiar, and confused.

"Can I help you?" I ask subconsciously stepping in front of Diane. I felt her grab the back of my shirt tightly as she took a deep breathe. I look back and she's pale. White as a ghost.

"Elwood..." she whispers so faint that I barely hear her. But I do. Once I do my brain goes into hyperdrive as I swell with rage. "What are you doing here?" She asks trying to be strong but her voice cracking.

"I would like to see Riley. Please." He says nervously rubbing his hands together. I go to take a step and honestly I want to kill him. I see spots because I'm so angry.

"Jack..." She says tugging at my shirt. I stay out like a readied attack dog. She knows I want to get him without knowing what I could do to him. "Go away, Elwood."

"Please, hear me out. I'm getting my life back together. I want to get involved." He pleases as he walked closer. I extend my arm keeping away, praying that he'd swat my arm away and ignite the fire.

"You can't just show up after twelve years and expect to waltz back in." I say.

"This doesn't concern you. I'm talking to my wife about our kid." He says putting his finger in my chest. I take a big deep breath. Peacocking a bit. I swat his hand away and push him back. He stumbles and falls on his butt. I go to stand over him and Diane grabs my shirt again pulling me back.

"Get outta here." I say to him. I could've easily shook lose of Diane and beat Elwood bloody but I knew it wasn't what Diane wanted and I was not trying to get locked up again.

Elwood slowly stood up. He shook off his hands and pants and just stared at me. He spit, and walked away.

That's when it dawned on me. Diane must've started the divorce process. That's why Elwood knows where we lived. I want to kill him. Even in this purgatory like torture. I want to kill him.

What a stupid name?!

This man was at the top of my kill list. I'm not sure how many people of kill lists. It may just be a delta thing but what I would do to get my hands on this SOB again.

The following day... this is when my life ceased to exist. One that I lived and lived for many years. Many glorious year.

I was able to get Diane's car in the shop and take the day off. Diane had my car and Riley had once again just gotten home from school. She was not as mad at me as I thought she'd be, and as far as we knew she didn't know that Elwood had stopped by earlier.

I spent the day cleaning, and watching sports center. I see Diane pull in and she had gone grocery shopping. She looked silly driving my truck.

"Hey babe," I say kissing her cheek, as I grabbed as many grocery bags I could carry.

"I think I left my phone at the store." She said digging in her purse.

"Did you check under your seats?" I asked. "Maybe it fell. I'll check the bags."

Cellphones were the new thing. I got myself and Diane one. Diane left this damn thing everywhere.

Diane began looking my truck as I brought the bags inside. I look in the plastic bags not expecting to find the thing. She probably left it at the store.

"Is my mom home?" Riley said coming running down the stairs.

"Yeah, she just pulled in. Help me put these away, kiddo."

"Can you bring me to Katie's house afterwards? She's having a small get together." Riley asked putting some cereal boxes away.

"Ask your Ma. It sounds like she left her phone at the store. I can drop off."

"Can I drive?"

"You got your permit?" I ask and she ran back upstairs. I had put most of the groceries away and Diane had yet to come inside. My spidey senses start tingling. I look out the window. I see nothing. I stop putting the groceries away and walk back out towards the driveway. Just as I was opening our door I horn he truck horn blaring.

I run outside and see Elwood choking Diane.

I know now that it's pretty common knowledge that I beat this man within an inch of his life but I don't remember too much of this day. Especially during this exact moment.

I grab him and pull him away. He swings at me hitting me in my cheek. I swing a wild uppercut causing him to stumble. Then I hit him with a right haymaker hook. I tackle him pushing him through our fence.

I mount him and begun slugging away at his face and body. The cries for help by Diane muffled by my own rage.

I remember nothing after this. I hardly remember this. But now I'm watching my neighbors yelling at me to stop. One has even called 911. Another comforting Diane.

Elwood smells like a brewery and his face now is hardly recognizable. I can feel is bones breaking under my fists. He's able to turn over quickly and I punch the pavement.

Someone comes and pushes me off of him. Elwood stumbles as he crawls away. I push my neighbor back. I'm covered in Elwood's blood and I'm still seething in anger. I grab Elwood by his shirt collar and pull him to his feet.

"I told you... I told you if you came back... I'd be the last face you'd see..." I say winded. It takes a lot of energy to kick someone's ass. I have tunnel vision.

I see cop cars begin to pull up but I ignore them along with their commands. I punch him in the face again and he finally falls unconscious. I raise my fist to punch him again and I hear a distinct electrical whirling noise.

"Taser! Taser! Taser!" An officer yells but it falls on deaf ears.

My body stiffens as the electrical currents paralyze my body. I fall on chest and face as the officers jump on me.

"This is why you left?" My father as patting my chest not allowing me to sleep or rest.

"Yes..." I said breathless with a heavy chest. "They depended on me... I failed them... I was no better than Elwood..."

"JD..."

"I'm a violent man... I thought I had it under control... I didn't..." I cough. "I didn't think they... they'd forgive me..."

I failed them. I sometimes needed a violent release and I thought I had it under control and I didn't. That side of me scared them and me.

I find myself picking the cut on my hand. I'm sure my right hand is broken as I struggle to make a fist. I had been in this cell for hours. My watch broke in the fight so I could not tell what time. I wipe my eyes fighting tears unsure what was next for me. I knew I messed up royally. I'd probably lose my job. Get discharged out. I was more worried about Diane. I got caught in my own anger I didn't even get to find out if she was okay.

I hear footsteps and men talking and it hardly interests me. I look up and see the jail guard and my CIA handler, Kyle Lowry.

"That's my guy." Lowry said pointing at me. He was once a gangly nerdy kid and slowly became a heartless snake willing to step on anyone's spine to get himself ahead. "Mr. Dalton, I have a warrant for you out of Richmond, Virginia for assault two." Lowry said obviously making it up as he went.

The officer puts the handcuffs back on me restraining my hands behind me. He brings me to his Crown Vic.

"What the hell are you doing, Jack?" He asked angry.

"Are you going to take this cuffs off are not?" I ask ignoring his question.

"Jack, you just nearly beat a man to death..."

"No one gets an ass kicking for nothing. Where are you bringing me?"

"My boss wants to meet with you. Maybe try and save your career."

"What makes you think I care about any of that?" I ask him fighting the urges to head butted him while he drove.

We pull into some shady parking garage. Something right out of a cheesy seventies spy movie.

Kyle pulls me out of the car as two government SUVs pull up. Kyle kept his arm on mine.

"Kyle, you pull on my arm like that again and I'll knock everyone of your teeth out." I say quietly to him.

An angry lady leaves the SUV and has several armed guards. She walks up to me sizes me up and walks back.

"Deputy Chief Poland..." Lowry starts but she holds her hand up to silence him.

"What kind of chaos are you running out here, Lowry?"

"Ma'am,"

"This isn't the first time he's done this, and now some guys is in the hospital with multiple skull fractures because you can't control your operatives."

"I'm right here." I interject.

"Shut up. You're lucky that this nation is at war. We have to move you, now."

"Move me? I have a family here."

"Family? You've been sitting in a cell for eight hours waiting for a woman who won't marry you." She said her words hurt worst then an actual kick in the nads. "There's an opening in South America."

"Those tours for years."

"Go to South America and continue to serve your country and get blacklisted by the CIA and sit and rot in a cell. Your choice." She said nonchalantly.

"You're asking me to throw away years..."

"You did this to yourself. You will get no pity from me. The offer is only could for the next ten minutes." She said returning to the SUV.

"Jack..."

"I'm not going to just leave my family." I say frustrated.

"Jack, think of this no different than a jail sentence. You can still serve and..."

"I can't leave them..."

"Jack, she left you. You've had no visitors. No calls... Diane went home to her parents." He said quietly. I turn my head upset.

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not. I'm sorry, man." Lowry says I hang my head.

"I..."

"Jack, listen to me. You're a great operator. You're too good to go down for some civilian assault of some scumbag. I know why you did it, and hell, any of us would've done it. I'll watch out for them."

"You'll watch them? You give me your word that you'll watch them."

"You have my word." He said touching my shoulder. "Go over finish this op quickly, and get back and make it up to her."

"Okay." I reluctantly say.

"JD..." My father says shaking my chest. I struggle to keep my eyes open. "You don't have to fight. There's other ways. You could see her in her dreams. All of them."

"No... no... I have to get back. It wouldn't be the... same..."

"Even if you get back Jack you could die." My father says sniffling with glassy eyes.

"I have... to try... I left them in the hands... of a snake that I... I trusted. He lied to me... and I abandoned my... family... and Mac... poor kid can't lose anyone else..." each breath getting increasingly harder than the last to where I know few like I'm choking.

"JD... I love you. I've never been more proud of you. You get back there and kick ass. It is not your time." He said hugging me tightly.

"Da... dad..." I struggle to say.

"It's okay. I know." He said putting his hand on my chest. I hear that dreading winding noise. I brace myself for the incoming shock. The shock hits me but I feel no pain.

The floor drops and I fall. Everything's black. I can't see anything. The park is gone and replaced with nothingness. I hear background chatter that I assume was in the hospital. It was muffled and I couldn't hear anything. I'm able to stand. I'm still in incredible pain but it's not as much as before and my breathing is better.

"Hello?" I holler out.

"Be good, son." I hear my dad whisper.

* * *

Please review! This was another two chapters mashed into one. Apologies for the length. My take on the end of Jack and Diane. I used the song Work Song by Hozier as inspiration for this chapter as it encompasses their relationship to Jack's current situation to a T. Stay tuned for the next chapter it will be the events leading up to Jack's injury. Please read and review!


	19. Welcome Home

**Welcome Home**

* * *

 _If I am taken, I pray that I have the spit upon my enemy._

* * *

I slowly begin walking and with each step I can slowly feel the pain return. I take a deep breath, as I continue to walk. My once confident stride had now turned into a painful shuffle. My legs begin to feel weak and I fall to my knees. My hands brace my fall.

The once black floor was now a cold cement floor and dirty. I look around as I see double as my vision is unable to focus. I hear footsteps and then gunshots. I duck and shield my head.

I pull my pain riddled body behind a pile of wood pallets. I turn and see Mac, Riley, and myself running up the stairs. It is pretty obvious that we are lost. Riley is typing away on her computer, Mac holding some gizmo gadget, and I was reloading an assault rifle I took off of scrub.

The gunshots grew louder. I try and return fire. I hear the high pitch whistle from our comms going down. The weapon jams.

"Where are we going?!" I yell struggling to clear the jam. Damn old Russian weapons. Terrorist never maintain their shit but it never jams when they use it.

"I'm just trying..." Riley tried to explain as a well placed shot destroyed her computer screen.

That's when I hear it. Among the panic. Among gunshots. I hear a very distinct whistling sound. It's a mortar. I hear a small explosion at the side of building. I toss the jammed weapon to the side and grab Riley and Mac. I push them in the direction of a nearby staircase.

They both cross the threshold to safety as I return fire with my trustee pistol. As I ran, I turned to flee. That's when I feel white hot fire of a well placed ricochet in the center of my back.

I felt electricity race across my extremities as I held myself up on all fours. I try to get back on my feet when I feel a tremendous gust of wind lift me clean off the cement floor and slamming me into a nearby wall. Before meeting the harsh floor again.

Another blast causes me to skip across the floor like a fish. My battered body finally comes to a stop and I look at what was left of the ceiling. My ears are ringing terribly. The building shakes as the structural integrity was now suspect at best. I am unable to move. I feel like I can barely breath. I see a piece of the ceiling break free as other debris falls on me. The ceiling piece was just a large chunk of concrete. Everything begins to get dark. I am able to lift my head but only for a second it falls.

I stare at what I believe is the remains of a poorly lit exit sign as it flashes. I try to look around and take in my surroundings but the moment I move my head I feel dizzy, and uneasy. I can not tell if the floor below is stable. I feel like I'm rocking back and forth then side to side. I try to push the rock off my chest and the pain paralyzes me. Even though I can not hear I'm sure I screamed. I try and feel the urge to cough unsuccessfully. The pain makes me more dizzy. I am unable to move my legs I think they're also buried by rocks. As I feel start cough I taste my own blood. I hope that I've only bit my tongue and li and this blood is not coming from somewhere deeper. Ignorance is bliss... and short lived. I cough up more blood and the metallic taste stains my tongue and makes me nauseous.

"Jack! Jack!" I hear Mac yell as he limps and crawls towards me.

"Mac..." I struggle to say as I begin choking on my blood.

"Oh my god, Jack..." I see Mac he does not look good. I can see the fear in his eyes. I try to speak but I cough up more blood. Oh man... this is bad. "Don't worry... Jack. I got you." He cried. Mac starts to unbury me and I see his arms getting bloodier and bloodier.

"Jack..." Riley yelped as she tried to hold pressure on my chest.

Mac rips off his sleeve and packs my chest wound with it. I feel like I'm drowning. Everytime I blink I feel like several minutes have past. All of a sudden the next thing I know Mac is in his undershirt and my torso is wrapped with duct tape as they drag me to the stairs.

"Matty... we need help..." I hear Mac call out.

"Jack..." Riley cries as she cradles my head hugging me. I try to hug her back but I can't move. "Please... stay awake..." she shakes my face forcing me to look at her. I smile to her as I can't speak.

I want to tell her that I'll be alright but I think she can see different. I try to stay awake but my peripheral vision darkens. Everything slowly begins to get dark.

"Jack!" I hear Riley call out again but everything goes black.

The pain disappears. He silence is comforting. I'm no longer struggling to breathe. I feel stuffy. I feel drunk. I hear muffled voices... and beeping. I struggle to open my eyes. They feel like hundred pound sandbags are resting on them.

Everything is blurry, and so bright. I quickly shut them and notice he voices stop. I get them to open again but they close almost immediately. I feel someone grab my hand as I take a deep breath.

"You can do." I hear Diane whisper to me. I slowly open my eyes again and my vision slowly focuses on Diane's face. "Hi..." She says as her voice cracks as she wiped her tears.

I try to talk back to her but cough as my mouth is incredibly dry and I can feel something in it. I brought my other hand to my mouth Diane quickly but gently grabs it.

"The doctors had to put a tube in your mouth. Don't pull that out... okay?" She says I feel my heart begin to speed up as I started to hyperventilate. Diane hit the call bell and soon doctors and nurses came.

They were talking to me about the stuff they were going to do. The tests they wanted to run. I didn't hear any of it. All I wanted to do is talk to Diane.

"Enough with the damn light..." I say knocking the little light out of his hand. My voice is raspy.

I feel myself get panicky and emotional. I try to push the doctors away but I'm too weak.

"Relax... okay. You're in a hospital in Heidelberg. take a couple deep breaths." Diane says pushing her way back into the room. She takes my hand and I squeeze her hand.

Is this real? Or is this another sick trick?

"I'm... sorry..." I say over and over again. "How's Riley? And Mac?" I say still panicky as I tried to get my breathing under control.

"Riley has some bumps and bruises. Macgyver broke his hand and banged up his knee pretty good. They're okay." She says rubbing my forehead.

"They're... okay?" I ask in disbelief. I start to feel tired.

"They're alright." She says string on the edge of my bed. She continued to rub my forehead. "Jack, you are very hurt. You need to rest." Her voice was so soothing. Just as I remember.

A nurse came in the room as she began collecting vitals. She smiles me.

"Hello, mr. Dalton. I'm going to give you something to relax." She said as she gave me some meds. I felt the warm tingling sensation come over my face. I tried to fight the medication. I didn't want to go to sleep again.

"Come on, Bozer." I hear Mac say as the whole crew comes inside. Mac, Riley, Matty, and Bozer. Mac was in a wheelchair with a bionic brace on his knee.

I begin to see double as the pain medication grabs ahold of me.

"Hi... everyone..." I slur fighting the sandman.

"Hey man, how you feeling?"

"I... I'm too tired to say anything... funny..." I say as my blinks become more frequent. "Don't go. I have so much to tell you." I say squeezing Diane's hand again.

"Okay. Just rest." Diane says kissing my forehead.

"I'll be good, dad." I mumble as I drift off to sleep.

* * *

Please Review! What do you think? Jack survived. I don't have the heart to kill him. Few more chapters in this one. Maybe thinking of a sequel for this one, about the aftermath of Jack's injury.


	20. Young Impressions

**Young Impressions**

* * *

 _I am a member of my Nation's Chosen soldiery, I serve quietly, not seeking reconigtion or accolades._

* * *

I open my eyes. I'm not sure how long I slept for as I feel just as tired as before. I just stare at the machine as my heart rhythm bumps across the screen. I am too tired to speak. Too tired to lift my head or move to see if I'm alone. I want to talk to Diane. I have to tell Diane everything. I fought so hard and for so long that it's left me exhausted. I watch as nurse comes in and checks the IV pumps.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Dalton?" She asked adjusting the nasal cannula.

"Call... call me, Jack." I say with a dry mouth. My voice was very raspy.

"Do you need anything... Jack?"

"Drink... can I have a drink?" I ask she smiled at me. "When can... I go home..."

"Mr... Jack, you are still having a decent output out of your chest tube, and these machines are keeping you comfortable... hopefully within a month or two we can ship you to a hospital state side." She said fixing the straw low so I could get a sip.

"I can take that." I heard Riley say as she took the cup. I drank until the cup ran dry. "How ya feeing?"

"Like I could run a mile..." I say looking up at her with sleepy eyes. She smiled and rolled her eyes as she put the cup away. "How about you?"

"I'm okay."

"How's Mac?"

"He's good. He's in surgery. His knee was pretty mangled, but he knows you're awake."

"And Bozer?"

"Bozer wasn't with us, but he's been helping out here a lot."

"Good... good... where's your Ma?"

"Matty took her to a hotel. Let her get some rest. She should be here soon though."

"I can't believe she went on a plane." I say with a smile.

"Well, if there was a way to drive to Germany you know we'd be driving still." She chuckles. I smile as I begin to feel sleepy again.

"Ain't that the truth," I said with a sleepy smile. Diane hated planes. Hated flying. Even with Valium she was a hot mess on a plane. It made moving interesting.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm tired, kid... but I'm alright..."

"You scared us." She said with glassy eyes.

"Sorry... i was... was scared too..."

"You've been mumbling about your dad." Riley asked bracing herself on the arm of the fancy hospital bed.

"I saw him. Oh man, Riley, it was crazy." I say breathless. "I saw him. I saw my friends."

"The first few hours you were here. We're real scary. We thought you lost you."

"I felt all of those shocks. Except one. I saw heaven... I was in heaven." I say rethinking every moment. "Some of it... it was crazy." I say unsure what to say. "I have to tell you something, Ri."

"Well, just rest, okay?"

"I can't, kid. I know I'm in bad shape." I say remembering my father's harsh warning, but in all actuality I felt terrible.

My legs felt like a hot numbness. I was rigged up like some cyborg to keep my spine in line. My chest felt like it was going to explode from the elephant sitting on it. I had a chest tube. I have a couple drainage tubes also. I also had a pee bag... which I'm sure if my legs didn't feel so funny I'm sure I'd have more of a problem with it. Every seven minutes one of the many IV pumps gives me pain medicine. The warm tingling almost immediately puts me to sleep.

"When I left..." I coughed.

"Please, Jack, just rest." Riley begged pulling a chair close to my bed.

"I can't... I have to tell you. I can't go to the grave with any secrets." I mumble as I feel the warm tingle of the medication.

"Jack..."

"When I left... I thought... my CIA handler was suppose to watch you guys. I thought your Ma left me jail... I was so dumb... I knew I messed up. He was suppose to look after you... when I finished with my tour... I came home after you were arrested... I thought y'all were in good hands. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." I say as I drift off to sleep.

I look down at my boots. I've been here for maybe nine months. The only good thing about this never ending war was the uniform change. I still prefer my BDUs to these ACUs I really like these boots. They were more comfortable. More breathable. The cast on my broken hand was black which was great for the brutal middle eastern sun. CIA didn't want me with a broken hand so they sent me back to the army to do a tour of duty and once the cast came off I'd go to South America. Everytime I was close to getting the cast off I'd rebreak the damn thing.

I was demoted once again making me probably the oldest 2nd lieutenant in my unit's history. This was also my third or fourth time being a 2nd lieutenant. I didn't care though.

The delta force went through a complete overhaul. Everyone was trained to do everything. Every weapon class, anything the army could think of we had to become masters in. I'm not sure what egghead forgot about EOD. Everything in this damn place was rigged to explode and while we are torr one special operators. These IEDs were our kryptonite. We were tracking some high value targets but without a competent bomb guy we were stuck.

I walked into our makeshift war room which was really just a mixture of tarps and a fan. Paradise.

"Hey," Leonard, the team leader for Easy team, said.

"What's up?" I shook with my left hand.

"Any luck getting an EOD tech? We had one, uh but..."

"I know," Easy team took heavy causaulities on the last Op for this same HVT. "I have a couple of my guys going to different camps grabbing the guys they think can help." I say reading the after action reports.

"What rifle are you using with that cast?" Doc Jones said leaning back in the fold up chair.

"Cast helps me aim." I teased. Doc Jones ran the infirmary hospital here.

"Ah... Captain... Lieutenant? Sir... you have a letter." The nervous mail clerk said.

"Dalton is fine. Wait?! I have a letter." Only father knew where I was, and he was not much of a writer.

"Yes."

"From who?" I say looking up from the reports.

"It says Cricket."

"Cricket?" My sister never wrote me. How'd she know where I was? I eagerly snatch the letter from him and rip it apart.

 _Hi_ _Jack,_

 _I wish I was writing under better circumstances. But honestly I am quite mad at you... JACKSON WYATT DALTON, HOW DARE YOU?! You left that beautiful family to play soldier! I thought you were done with, J. Have you even called Diane? Does she know you're okay? I heard through the grapevine that Riley got arrested! You need to come home. I've tried to reach out to her but no one has heard from either of them in months. The police are accusing Riley of doing some sort of computer nonsense and she's in a lot of trouble. Please call me or Diane._

 _Stay safe, and love, Cricket_

My stomach rips apart. I feel as if I could pass out. Riley... little Riley... this letter is two weeks old. I chase after the mail clerk. I grab him by his undershirt effectively scaring him half to death.

"Listen don't kill the messenger!"

"Is there any phones at this camp?!"

"No..." He said dropping the other mail he had.

I felt helpless. Utterly helpless. I was not exactly in a place to demand contact with home. Everyone wanted that. I immediately feel guilty and filled with regret. I left my family. I thought they were going to be fine. I thought they were better off.

"Jack, let go of him." Leonard trying to get in between us. I let go of him and walk. "Bad news?" He asked.

"Give me a minute." I say frustrated. I have to calm myself down, and keep a clear head. I need to get home.

I reread the letter as if the message was different. Hoping that the words would sting less the second time around, but I was wrong. I crumble the letter and shove it into my pocket.

"Cry about it later. Your boys are back." Leo said patting my back. I wipe my eyes and take a couple deep breath. First impressions were very important in this business. I didn't want to come off as a sissy because of some shitty timing.

Leonard and I watched as my boys pulled up in some humvees with the prospective techs. Easy team was going to take two techs for them and two for me.

"Chip, the hell is this? These boys look like there... boys." I yell to my 2IC, second in charge, Chip Rascal.

His real name, by the way. This kid was born in the backwoods of Louisiana. Great natural gunfighter.

"These are the best guys according to there COs..."

"Damn it, Chip." I rub I forehead. "Have of these kids... you couldn't get an NCO? Damn I would've taken a specialist."

"I am a specialist, sir..." a scrawny kid saying raising his hand.

"What's your name, specialist..."

"Macgyver," his pipsqueak voice said nervously cracking.

"Dibs on the specialist!" Leonard called out.

"No way. My guys went to get them, and I'm on the initial assault team... how old are you, Macgyver?"

"18," He said with a proud smile. I guess an eighteen year old specialist is impressive I guess.

"I'm taking baby face Macgyver, and the beefcake on the end. Chip, let Leo the others..." I say quickly distracted by the incoming helicopter. "Who is that?" I say shielding my eyes from the sand.

"The CIA handler for the op. He's assigned to us for the remainder of our tour. Fellow farm boy, Jack." Leo teased.

"Not quite." I chuckle. "Chip, get these boys ready for the op. Once we get the green light from our new CIA friend." I said and that's when i saw it.

The little karma angels feeding into my suppressed rage bringing it back to the forefront. Kyle Lowry in the flesh.

"Chip... get the boys squared away... I gotta talk to an old friend." I say walking towards my once friend.

The way I felt was a mixture of rage and a level of betrayal that was indescribable. Then he just comes over to the sandbox like nothing has happened. This was the Wild West. The nerve was incredible.

"Hey Jack," He says extending his hand for me to shake.

"How's Diane? Riley?" I ask seeing if I could bait him.

"They're fine. I... i ahh..."

"Are you really going to stand there and lie to my face?" I whisper to him staring directly into his soul. He quickly gets pale.

"Jack..." he says putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Riley's been arrested." I said slapping his hand away.

"That's the Mom?" He says and I snap, and punch him across the face. Hitting just enough of his nose to know I for sure broke it.

"Jack!" I heard Chip, Leo, and even Jones call out.

I go to swing again and Kyle buries his service pistol into my chest. I smile at his terrified face.

"Just stop, Jack." He said spitting out some blood trying to get space between us. But I continued to close the gap. "I'm a busy guy. I couldn't babysit your dysfunctional family. Who cares you're better off, you're not a family guy. This is the environment for guys like you."

"Jack... how about we all take a deep breath everyone relax." Doc Jones says.

"Guys like me?" I chuckle. "My theater. My sandbox. Right, Daquan." I say to Jones. I know by calling him by his first name that Kyle will look at Jones confused... and he does.

When Kyle looks away I snatch the weapon and quickly turn it unto him. I bury it into his neck as the blood from his nose drips on to my hand.

"Give me a reason." I whisper harshly.

"Easy Jack,"

"Did you check on them at all?"

"No." He says pale once again.

"I trusted you." I say to him tossing the weapon to the side. Before he get breathe a sigh on relief I head butt him harder than I've ever headbutted anything in my life. He falls backwards like a useless domino.

"Damn it, Jack." Jones said as he went to Kyle's aid.

"Ah... can I be with you?" Macgyver quietly asked Leo.

"No trades, kid. You follow directions, and don't do anything stupid, and you will be fine. What's your name again?"

"Macgyver, sir."

"Ain't none of that sir shit out here. Call me, Jack. Macgyver is too long, what's your first name?"

"Angus..." he whispers.

"What?"

"Angus." He says and I look at him like he's joking, but I can tell by his reaction he's not. "Chip, where the hell you'd find these guys? You know what never mind. He's got a crazy ass name too. I'm just gonna call you, Mac."

"Okay."

"Welcome to the team, Mac." I said extending my fist for him to return the gesture.

"Thanks," He said smiling. I started to walk away. "Should someone go check on that guy?"

"No one gets their ass kicked for nothing." I say to him as I grab the reports I was reading.

* * *

Please Review! What do you think?


	21. Enter Sandman

**Enter Sandman**

* * *

 _My goal is to succeed in my mission - and live to succeed again._

* * *

Go little drop the bigger one is catching up. I was lucky to spent my hour away watching the water droplets race. Everytime I blinked hours seemed like hours had past by but I was not facing a clock so who knows. For now it was just droplet races.

My moments I spent awake I often spent alone. I knew Mac's surgery went well. I remember someone telling. I could decipher dream from reality. I think I remember talking with either Riley or Diane but I am not sure. I think I am beginning to feel better. I think I've been awake for a week or so.

My chest tube was removed a day or so ago... I think. Damn thing hurt more going out than it did while it was in. I was still rigged up like a damn robot. I wish I could switch sides though, my butt is getting sore.

I struggle to move my arm. Instead of watching the water droplets race down I wanted to drink the water. I had the worse dry mouth. My arm weighed a thousand pounds and felt tingly from my fingertips and down into my back.

I could pretend I was not worried about my injuries but I was. My legs still felt funny, and so did my arms if I moved them. I was still pissing in a bag. I was not even sure about my internal injuries. My back is what concerned me the most. I am able to grab the cup of water and I breath a sigh of relief. I immediately knock it off the little table and spilt the cold water on my face.

"Damn it!" I yelp as I reach for the call bell knocking it off my bed. The overwhelming feeling of helplessness got me again. Right as I feel myself begin to panic I heard a familiar voice.

"Easy there, tiger." Diane said as she put her coffee down to pick up the cup I dropped. She took a napkin and wiped my face.

"I... uh..."

"Hello Mr. Dalton, how are you feeling today?" A person I'm assuming, my doctor, said.

"I'm alright. How do I look?" I say staring at Diane.

"Well your latest X-rays show that your vertebrates have are aligned..."

"So, you can take the robot cage off of me?"

"No, not exactly. Two of your vertebrae were dislocated and another was fractured so the robot cage is going to stay. All the X-rays tell me is that you won't need another surgery on your spine while you're here."

"Oh... okay... what about my insides?"

"Your lung is healing remarkably well..."

"See, it wasn't that bad."

"Mr. Dalton, you had a punctured lung, several broken ribs, bruised diaphragm, lacerated spleen and liver and you had a cardiac tamponade that lead to cardiac arrest. The fact that you're awake and talking is a miracle in itself."

"That's southern strength for you." I say with a sleepy smile.

"Do you need anything from me?"

"No, I'm alright..." I say returning my gaze to Diane.

"How are you feeling really?" She asked pulling a chair up next to my bedside.

"I'm alright. Really, I am." I say with a smile. "How are you?"

"I'm alright."

"I want to talk to you. I have to talk to you. When I left..."

"Jack... just rest consider it water under the bridge."

"I can't! I saw what heaven and hell looked like... there are some secrets I can take to the grave but I have to be honest with you. You deserve honesty at the very least."

"Jack..."

"Please, Di... I haven't been honest with you and I thought I was protecting you, but after all of this... I don't know. I wasn't protecting you. I was protecting myself, because I know if you knew the truth about me it'd change the way you think of me and I couldn't live with that."

"So, what's changed?"

"I can't die with that. I can't go out knowing that you didn't know me. That I lied to you for so long..." I say feeling myself get emotional. "I thought you were in good hands my cia handler promised to look out for you and Riley... I sat in that cell for so long I got in my head, and when my handler... I left you because I thought you didn't want me. I left because I knew I messed up and I couldn't face you or Riley..." I try to wipe my face but struggle to move my arms as the warm tingling sensation of the medication make me feel sleepy.

"Jack..." She said wiping my tear as she began to cry. She held my cold hand right. "After the police took you away I went to the hospital. Helen picked up Riley and brought her house and I left the hospital and went to the police station. Maybe two hours later, the police told me that you were being transferred. That you had no bail, because you had an outstanding warrant out of New York. I called every lawyer in the phone book, and I called some of your old friends for help... I came for you..." she cried.

"That snake!" I yell angry. "He told me... he..." I growl angry. She put the bed railing down and sat on the bed with me. She reluctantly put her hand my chest calming me down. "I... i..." I stutter. She shushes me.

"I'm going to rub your head the way you like." She said softly. She could see I was fighting the medication. I take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry I lied to you about everything." I say struggling to keep my eyes open. "I feel like I could've avoided a lot of problems if I had been honest with you."

"Well, you're probably right. Hindsight is 20/20." She said softly.

"My father said that..." I say looking at her as I see double. The pain medication made my brain feel like it was swimming. Almost instantly I felt dizzy. "You're so pretty..." I say with a slurry voice. I struggle but I reach up and gently caress her face.

"Jack..."

"I thought I was dead. I saw my dad... I saw Bradley... I saw our boy..." I say fighting my emotions but I'm unable too. "I relived the twelve years of our relationship and it was as real as you sitting in front of me now." I looked around the best I could to see that Diane and I were not alone. Bozer, Matty and Riley were in my room as well as Diane.

"Just rest." She said taking my hand squeezing.

"Okay... how... how's Mac?" I say fighting to stay awake. I feel myself losing the battle with the sandman as every second passes.

"He's alright." Bozer asks as Riley leaves.

"Oh good... I want to see him."

"We are trying to figure that out... ri... Riley... R2..."

"What Jack?" She groaned.

"Remember the mean casino owner lady, and my terrible attempts at flirting..." I say she nods. "I remember you saying that you couldn't believe it worked on your mother. And it didn't, kid? I chased your mother for weeks! And... she left and hid in the bathroom on our first date..." I said watching Diane blush as Riley laughed.

"I forgot about that." Diane whispered to me.

"I'm an open book. Ask me anything..." I say finally drifting off to sleep.

However my sleep is plagued with nightmares as it normally is, but this time was different. My nightmares typically involve my military days, and ops that went bad. Very rarely is it of ops with the CIA or Phoenix maybe with the exception of the axe man.

I am just reliving the shot to my back and the tingling sensation down my extremities. The immediate panic that I was paralyzed. Then watching that chunk of concrete fall onto me and not being able to move.

My eyes shoot up as my heart is pounding so hard that I fear I may die... again. As my vision focuses I see Matty. Staring at me.

"Jesus, Matty, what are you doing?" I say frustrated as I try to adjust.

"Listen, Jack, I don't know what happened to you in there, but you are most certainly not an open book. You've worked very highly classified operations. If you start blabbering now, you may never work in the intelligence again." She warns and I shrug my shoulders

"Your bedside manner is awful."

"I'm serious, Jack."

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Please Review. Mac and Jack will talk in the next chapter. What do you think? The end is near. Maybe a sequel?


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